June 27, 2002
Thursday Thumb Twiddlers

Okay, so after seeing them and wondering and well, being always interested in finding topics to babble on about, I'm going to spend some time exploring ***Dave's Thursday Thumb Twiddlers.

And damn these are... um... interesting and tough stuff...

1. Would you rather die peacefully among friends at 50, or painfully and alone at 80? Assume that most of those thirty years would be "good" ones.

That's a tough one. Let me state, I have a HUGE fear of death. HUGE. Unweildy and overpowering. Its a fact, one I've faced up to long ago, and one which has a huge impact on my life.

That said, I've also done research on the DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) law in New York. I've seen the stories of people who did not have a DNR order, and who were resuscitated 30 times in an hour, breaking all of their ribs, and having a horrific death. I've heard of people who could not be medicated and had to end their life in excruciating pain, because without a DNR order the risk of the medication was too great.

Neither death nor pain appeals to me.

But then, I don't think they appeal to anyone else, either, do they?

I think, in the long run, I intend to live my life to the fullest. I want to get every possible day I can out of life, and I refuse to admit that the quality of my life can get me down. As it is, I have fibromyalgeia -- I live every day of my life in pain. I've learned to deal with this, and while it is draining and awful, I still want to live. I want to go on. And I will find a way to make it work.

I guess what that says is that I would refuse to accept that pain would be the end of my life. That I could succumb to pain in the end, and that I would go out in pain. I would banish the pain... while the end might come anyway, I will meet it head on.

Gah, that sounds SO full of myself!

2. Your teen arrives home one night with a big dent in his car fender. You find out the next day there was a hit-and-run in the neighborhood. Would you try to find out if your kid was involved? If you found out s/he was, would you notify the authorities? What if there was a death from the hit-and-run?

Gods yes, I would try to find out. I love my children but I will not condone that kind of moral behaviour. That's wrong, and in my mind, its sick. Human life is to be treasured. I have had two accidents in my life that involved people and both of them still haunt me today. Thankfully, in both, the other parties were okay. The child that ran in front of me was completely uninjured, although I saw her in my dreams for months afterwards, and can still summon the image to mind. The man who walked into me while on his cell phone also still terrifies me in my nightmares.

I can't imagine how anyone could live with that guilt. And I could never live with myself if I aided anyone, including my own child, in getting away with ignoring something like a hit and run.

And karma applies... if I were to ignore it, I would expect something horrific to happen. Wrongs would right... I'd rather do it with a good soul.

3. What would the title of your autobiography be (not including your name)?

Reflections. Does anyone who knows me (or sees the title of this site) have to ask? If not that, then Imagery. Because everything in life is a series of images in my mind. Okay, that's really similar, in the long run, to Reflections. *smiles*

Posted by Deb Atwood at June 27, 2002 06:20 PM
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