Gee, including this, I guess my last couple of entries have been SO upbeat. *sighs*
I'm exhausted. Its 1am, and I'm still up, despite my wanting to go to bed around 10pm. I was actually getting ready for bed. Winding down, sending out one last PBEM post before I conked out.
Then Ryan started fussing. So I started dealing with him, because he was crying and cranky and hot. I took his temp. Not bad. But he seemed hotter. So I took it in the other ear and it was MUCH higher. So then I did tylenol and a cold bath (oh he just so didn't enjoy that one). And now hours later we're still up, he's still cranky and exhausted and hot and hungry. And half the bottle's gone to waste. And Kevin's up and ticked now because he was asleep and I got him up three times -- the last time because then Dani was up too and I just couldn't deal with comforting both kids at once -- its impossible.
So yeah, I guess I sound like I'm in a pretty bad place. And its not that I don't love my kids. I do. That's one of the hardest things. I feel like a bad mom because I'm resentful because I have to go to work tomorrow so I'm just getting into worse and worse shape this week between work being hell and more hell and even worse hell and home being hell and I just can't deal with it all and still be sane. And I can't *fix* the problem either except cuddle and give tylenol and there's only so much cuddling you can do when the baby's screaming and pushing at you and its 1 in the morning and you haven't slept right in three nights.
I'm really not handling this time in my life very well at all.Posted by Deb Atwood at July 25, 2002 12:49 AM | TrackBack