October 29, 2002
Did I mention panic?

Its going to be a bad night. Am in the throes of a full-on panic attack brought on by a dizzy spell. This isn't entirely uncommon. Between allergies and the fibromyalgeia I seem to spend half my life dizzy. Right now I can feel the stuffiness arriving in my right ear with a suddenness that is obviously what brought on the spell. And the violence with which it has arrived is the length. But still... losing control over my body like that leaves me terrified, and suddenly I'm shivering and can't seem to get warm. Or stop panicking. And of course, it just feeds itself.

I hate being like this, hate reacting like this. Kev thinks I'm nuts, and a hypochondriac, and perhaps I am. Probably I am. But this loss of control, loss of understanding why I feel things and the sudden knowledge that what I am feeling (dizzy) is simply not normal. NOt what I *should* be feeling. And I don't get why, and hence... panic.

It is slowly settling down, the heart rate calming, the warmth seeping in. I'll be calm again eventually, but still too weirded out to sleep. And that's probably what I need most right now, unfortunately. Perhaps some reading for a while, until I cannot keep my eyes open any longer. And then sleep.

Posted by Deb Atwood at October 29, 2002 10:03 PM | TrackBack
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