When its over... it is as if a piece of me is suddenly cut off and unavailable, yet still screaming where I can hear her. As if there is so much left unsaid that she needs settled, yet the game is gone now. Ended.
Yes, WEF has ended this evening, and now Adrienne is an Inactive Character.
I will miss her sorely in many ways, and in others I am glad. She had reached a point where she was unplayable within the confines of the game. That's hard to admit, but so true. Even some aspects of how the game ended, and the part she played in it, showed that truth.
I have fondly called Adrienne my "little psycho bitch". She isn't really a bitch, nor truly psychotic. But she does live in her own little world which at times has little to do with sanity. What no one ever understood was that so many of her problems were because when she asked questions, she did not receive answers, and she is terminally curious. Given that she is told something is (or may be) possible, but not told how, she will be determined to discover the method. Whether it is safe for her or not.
Adrienne is the daughter of Cybele (first daughter of Oberon) and of Oberon himself. Oberon suspected that his daughter was involved with Benedict, and sought to prove it -- so he shapeshifted himself into his son's form and slept with Cybele. Adrienne was the result, and Cybele refused to name the father. Everyone assumed it was Benedict. Adrienne knew the truth, having confronted her mother when she was (in her mind) old enough. She kept the secret admirably, for Adrienne, I think.
She was innocent when she came to Amber. And she was originally simply "a spoiled brat". Julia read the original character sheets when we were done tonight, and that was the very first sentence on mine. And it fit, and quite honestly, still fits, but she is now truly only spoiled by herself. By her own desires and attempts to achieve those desires.
Over time Adrienne has proved time and time again that her judgement was well, lacking. She had a crush on, then fell in love with, then obsessed over Jerrym, all without a single word of encouragement from him. He only learned of it when she offered to give her life so that his dead girlfriend could possibly live.
Okay, maybe psycho was a good word after all.
She got over Jerrym, and at one point counted him friend. Until she fell in love again, and he did not approve of the match -- her twin brother, Stephan. But he is a part of her, her second element, and she can as much be without him as stop breathing.
Actually, stopping breathing would be simpler. After all, she can shapeshift.
The issue is simply that when the two were born, Amber was nearly destroyed. If they were to produce a child, it is likely they could destroy even more. They don't intend to reproduce.
And its not that they knew they were siblings. They had already met, and were falling hard, when they found out that Dworkin had used his powers to birth Stephan in the mirrors. So Stephan wasn't even born into Amber in truth, and that is what *saved* Amber at the time. And Cybele wasn't aware that she had a son. It certainly made things interesting when it all came out.
So here we are today, at the end of seven and a half years of game. Adrienne has changed over and over, yet her headstrong attitude and leaping before looking, while tempered in her eyes remain the same.
When the plan (loosely termed) came into being, Adrienne found herself without much of a part in it. No one wanted her with the strike force. She was too interested in finding out the reasons before destroying Oberon. No one listened when she and Caine both suggested that someone should deal with Grace while others dealt with Oberon (and yes, it turned out that Grace was behind it all). When Adri spoke to Brennan (who orchestrated the plan) about her plan (suggested by her mother - Brennan's lover) to distract and protect Oberon's wife (Mara), Brennan almost refused. He didn't want her to interfere with the plan. Adrienne didn't believe it would, and finally agreed to stay out of the way and not do anything to interrupt.
She held by that, until they blew up half the castle, by blowing up Oberon. And Stephan ended up trapped in the Dreamlands (not anyone else's fault really, on that one). And yet, when Adrienne wanted to spend time with Stephan and learn how to go back and forth, Jerrym told Caprice he shouldn't show her how. All Adrienne wanted by that point was to be with Stephan. She had been looking for home in recent times, and had finally come to the peace that came with making a home with the one person who was important to her. It was painful not to be with him.
I am babbling horribly. In my mind, I want to believe that Adrienne is happy. That she is able to move between Dream to be with Stephan and back to Amber to be with her mother. That she has found a place and can settle into simply *being*. A part of me knows that can't be true, simply because other characters think she would do something wrong with that power.
I reminded them, Adrienne is fine when she is taught. Its when she has to discover her own way, with her own logic, that things go wrong. The trouble happens when people try to keep her in the dark. *smiles*
I am working to put her away in my head. I have tapes. I have her site, and all the conversations. So much from over seven years of gaming. During that time, I personally have been married, bought a house, had two kids, become a manager (hells, I'd only worked at FAC for 4 months when I joined the game!).
I don't think I still have the original post from Julia. Which listed how far she was from Albany. I smiled to read it, and I'm glad I joined. I remember being terrified that first session, because I knew no one in the game. I was shy for so long (yes, me, shy). I had met Stormy at ACUS, and Julia at Arisia, and then joined the game during the June session (it had started in January). But I knew no one else, and barely knew those I had met, and everyone already knew each other online. It was scary. But it was gaming, and I quickly grew to love the game, and Adrienne.
I'm going to miss it. The game. The social part too.
*sighs* Its over.Posted by Deb Atwood at July 27, 2002 11:12 PM | TrackBack