I like systemless gaming. I usually say this is because I like the freedom of a freeform game. Because I don't like having rules and dice intrude on the roleplaying experience.

I could go on for hours probably, and pull in all sorts of bullshit. And y'know what, I wouldn't be lying.

But there's another very simple aspect of it.

I lose character sheets.

There is one sheet which has been lost since the day it was created. For my World of Darkness game, Sam wrote up a sheet for his character. I vaguely remember him handing it to me -- we were at another game at the time. I tucked it into my things *somewhere* for safekeeping.

I've never seen it since.

I've gone through many folders and binders and books. Every time I unearth something I used during that time period, I look through it, wondering if perhaps now, years and years later, the character sheet might yet resurface. If it ever does, I'm sending a photocopy to Sam.

This has become a sort of a legend in our group. Since then, I've hardly used character sheets. When I did do the first set for the Amber campaign I ran, I carefully kept them all in Notes and in a binder, so I couldn't lose them. Or I'd have to lose all of them.

But I just keep proving I'm terrible with character sheets.

And this time, I'm certain they exist. I even remember seeing them sometime in the last 5 1/2 years, since we moved into this house. And the scary part is, I thought this was organized. I thought I knew exactly where they were. And they're not. *groans*

I've started work on a new FTF game. Since I'm not playing in one just now, and there are no other GMs I can find in this area, I figure if I want one locally, I'd better put something together. So this weekend a possible plot hit, and I started sketching out the details. Its a dark supers idea, and I plan to use Superworld as the system.

Yes, I said a system, complete with dice and character sheets.

I had some old characters. In fact, the two I originally ran when I first ever played Superworld back in college. The Artful Dodger and Babel. Both would fit in nicely with the concept I'm working on as NPCs. So instead of having to recreate them, I planned on simply adopting their character sheets into my NPC stuff.

So I went and grabbed my Superworld box, which contains the original box set of documents, plus a few more I picked up when I got the game used. Plus character sheets.

I have all kinds of character sheets in there, especially with newer characters I'd been making to play years ago, or for another campaign idea I had.

Everything *except* Dodger and Babel.

*sighs* *groans* I can't win.

The thing is, I'm sure I saw them. Which means they must be in a box or a folder somewhere. So now I need to go through everything, and clean up all sorts of things. I'm also missing a few useful sheets, like the errata. Hopefully I penciled a lot of it into the books. I've got some reading to do. Which I'll try to do while my laptop is dead, and while in the car this weekend (I can share with Kev by reading aloud while he drives to the RenFest I think).

I just need to find those bloody character sheets!!

My garden is my zen. Every evening I have to water my garden, since it isn't exactly raining well this summer. We have a new soaker hose which works wonders for the main garden. Rather than trying to aim a sprinkler at the garden and wondering where the drops of water will fall, we wound the new hose around the base of all the plants, and when it comes on water soaks into the ground.

But we have many plants in pots as well that those have to be watered separately. It takes me several trips, filling the watering pot and then tipping it and watching the water fill up the top of the pot.

I look at each plant as I pass by them. Surveying the tomatoes -- the ones that are prospering and the ones that are still small but alive, and I wonder if they will ever suddenly take off and start growing. Looking at all the different varieties and the flowers. Some of the flowers have spawned tomatoes, and I keep wondering which ones are which, trying to sort out the intertwined branches and figure out which ones belong to which plants.

There is something about standing there, looking through the plants, searching for ripening vegetables. Even weeding is calm and relaxing. My garden is my peace. My zen.

I have a craving to write. I'm already doing my gaming, and working on a new game to run (Mask of the Innocent). I'm putting together background information on that.

Yet, when it comes to my fiction, I am inexplicably stumped. I think a part of it is that there is no one to really talk to about it, much. So projects fall by the wayside, only begun but never finished. And a part of it is timing. I have things that have been started that I feel like they require more concentration to complete.

What I'd like to do are writing exercises. Things I never have to think about getting published. Things I can put up here just to get them out of my head. Short scenes and vignettes about a topic.

The problem is, short of a book of quotations, I can't come up with the bloody topics.

*sighs* It has been said that ideas come from a PO Box in Schenectady. You'd think some of them could manage to 30 mile trip out to my place!

I've been kind of running through my online comics tonight... catching up slowly. I haven't read them in something like 3 or 4 weeks, what with all the mess in my life. So I figured tonight I'd finally catch up on those, and maybe tomorrow night I'll catch up on my blogs and finally update my sidebar. Which'd be cool.

So tonight I'm kind of being random. Being bad, and not doing email, although maybe I'll try to get to that part now. I think I'm sulking because I don't have my laptop. It arrived at the depot today, but they were working on it and hadn't finished yet. *heavy sighs* I'm borrowing Kevin's tomorrow so I can at least take it to a meeting and have something to type up our brainstorming on! I'll have to email it to get it off of it, since his machine won't really go on our network (not and login to the domain!). But it'll be better than nothing.

I'm currently listening to "The World According to Adrienne". I made the soundtrack for Adrienne finally, just before the game ended. I like all the music on it, and well, it definitely evokes Adrienne in my mind.

Then there's A Twisted Weave. I got so caught up in just vegetating that I almost forgot to do tonight's piece. I've been trying to regain the quality I started the serial with, now that I'm in Chapter 3. The second chapter was just way too short... I didn't spend the time I really needed to on each daily episode, and its starting to turn into talking heads. My usual bad habit of good characters having realistic conversations against a background that could be a plain white sheet for all the readers know.

So I'm trying to fix that. This one didn't do so great a job at it, but I remembered some more of the background details. A little more each time, I think. This is my writing exercise, to try and remember how to write, and to do a little each night. If I ever want to write, I need to just find the time to DO it.

Even if it does mean I'm doing it at midnight. Which is the way it seems like it'll be.

Kushiel's Dart
by Jacqueline Carey
(from Tor Fantasy)

Wow. It is just amazing that this is a first novel. A part of me is craving the second one desperately, so I can learn what happens to Phedre. Another part of me simply wishes to bask in the glow of finishing this tale. The book is 925 pages long... I was captured before page 100, and could hardly put it down after 200 pages.

Let me warn anyone who reads this book -- there is a point near the end where you simply cannot stop. I read through a haze of tears for many pages, but was desperate to continue, to find a place where I could rest for the night and continue it again in the morning.

In the end, it was only that I was passing out, and had finally found a moment where it began to move into the endgame of the story, that allowed me to rest last night.

Possible spoilers ahead...

Phedre is a true anguisette, the first known in Terre D'Ange in three generations. Pricked by Kushiel's Dart, a tiny red mote in her eye, Phedre fits in nowhere in the Night Court. But Anafiel Delauney recognizes her for what she is, and takes her as one of his two students, to train not only to be a Servant of Namaah, but also to listen, to learn, and to understand what is seen.

She is a courtesan of a rank to be presented to Kings. She is one who knows pleasure, and how to give pleasure, and she takes pleasure from pain. But she is also so much more.

The characters bring this book to life. Alcuin, her "foster brother" -- the other student of Delauney's. Hyacinthe, her Tsingano friend whom she met the first time she ran away to Night's Doorstep. Joscelin, the Cassiline bound to guard her, though he despises what she is. They all come alive, and are so much more than we think upon first meeting. And they only continue to grow throughout the novel.

This is not an easy book to read. It has its sorrowful moments -- I have cried more in this one novel than for the last several I've read. It has its erotic moments (but if you are bothered by masochism or same sex relationships, this is not for you). It is a romance. It is political. It is magical. It is a little of everything, and yet, those pieces entwine together beautifully to create one solid tapestry.

"That which yields is not always weak." That single statement defines Phedre.

Kushiel's Dart called to the Bethany in me. I look forward to reading Kushiel's Chosen.

Today I had to pick Dani and Ryan up early. Well, actually, Kev picked up Ryan and I met him at Dani's place and then took both kids home while Dani went off to golf league.

So since we had so long, I asked Dani to help me out so I could also throw a load of laundry in. Which was when we discovered something.

Whenever Dani shouted "boo!", Ryan laughed. Whenever, wherever. She could be in the next room, randomly scream "boo!" and Ryan would start laughing uncontrollably. It certainly helped!

Then later, while Dani and Ryan ate, I was making pizzas for dinner. I use these shells (low Weight Watchers points) from Hannaford, and tonight I was making pesto pizzas instead of using tomatos or tomato sauce. I made one with sliced romas, yellow peppers, and scallions, then sprinkled with parmesan cheese. The other had fat free chicken tenders sliced on it, then the parmesan. Both actually looked really pretty, and Dani was watching as I made them. And then Dani smiled and told me, "Mommy, you are *so* Good Eats!"

Can we tell Dani watches a lot of FoodTV with us? *grins*

The laptop is dead AGAIN.

Yes, AGAIN.

No, I don't truly believe it. A part of me is in denial. But its hard to deny when it won't even power up. First, it turned off while I was using it. Then it kept losing access to the battery -- the battery light would disappear completely and it would shut down. Then the little power plug light flashed. Battery or power supply -- the damn thing won't even power up now. I'm using Kevin's to do this at the moment.

So on Monday morning it gets shoved into a box and sent to Toshiba. This is ridiculous. I think its time for them to just send me a new machine and pretend this all never happened. The machine is either possessed or dead and I can't admit it. And its driving me bloody nuts!

Thursday I lost my voice. They found it amusing at work, and Ethan pointed out that I'd been losing it for days before it finally went. And when it did, it really went. All the way to deep, throaty, and sexy, like I should be working a 900 number and making good money.

On Friday, it returned. Surprised me, actually, considering how bad I was on Thursday. But handy since I had to spend time singing to Ryan to try to get him to calm down and sleep.

Today it is gone again. It kept Michael in stitches during WEF, as Adrienne was trying to state something emphatically and my voice was cracking like that of a 12 year old boy! eek! But now my throat aches horribly, and this time I think I'm stuck with it for a day or two. We'll see. I just popped advil in the hopes that the sore throat might go away, or at least back off. But the throat damn well hurts, and I can't exist without talking. *sighs*

When its over... it is as if a piece of me is suddenly cut off and unavailable, yet still screaming where I can hear her. As if there is so much left unsaid that she needs settled, yet the game is gone now. Ended.

Yes, WEF has ended this evening, and now Adrienne is an Inactive Character.

I will miss her sorely in many ways, and in others I am glad. She had reached a point where she was unplayable within the confines of the game. That's hard to admit, but so true. Even some aspects of how the game ended, and the part she played in it, showed that truth.

I have fondly called Adrienne my "little psycho bitch". She isn't really a bitch, nor truly psychotic. But she does live in her own little world which at times has little to do with sanity. What no one ever understood was that so many of her problems were because when she asked questions, she did not receive answers, and she is terminally curious. Given that she is told something is (or may be) possible, but not told how, she will be determined to discover the method. Whether it is safe for her or not.

Adrienne is the daughter of Cybele (first daughter of Oberon) and of Oberon himself. Oberon suspected that his daughter was involved with Benedict, and sought to prove it -- so he shapeshifted himself into his son's form and slept with Cybele. Adrienne was the result, and Cybele refused to name the father. Everyone assumed it was Benedict. Adrienne knew the truth, having confronted her mother when she was (in her mind) old enough. She kept the secret admirably, for Adrienne, I think.

She was innocent when she came to Amber. And she was originally simply "a spoiled brat". Julia read the original character sheets when we were done tonight, and that was the very first sentence on mine. And it fit, and quite honestly, still fits, but she is now truly only spoiled by herself. By her own desires and attempts to achieve those desires.

Over time Adrienne has proved time and time again that her judgement was well, lacking. She had a crush on, then fell in love with, then obsessed over Jerrym, all without a single word of encouragement from him. He only learned of it when she offered to give her life so that his dead girlfriend could possibly live.

Okay, maybe psycho was a good word after all.

She got over Jerrym, and at one point counted him friend. Until she fell in love again, and he did not approve of the match -- her twin brother, Stephan. But he is a part of her, her second element, and she can as much be without him as stop breathing.

Actually, stopping breathing would be simpler. After all, she can shapeshift.

The issue is simply that when the two were born, Amber was nearly destroyed. If they were to produce a child, it is likely they could destroy even more. They don't intend to reproduce.

And its not that they knew they were siblings. They had already met, and were falling hard, when they found out that Dworkin had used his powers to birth Stephan in the mirrors. So Stephan wasn't even born into Amber in truth, and that is what *saved* Amber at the time. And Cybele wasn't aware that she had a son. It certainly made things interesting when it all came out.

So here we are today, at the end of seven and a half years of game. Adrienne has changed over and over, yet her headstrong attitude and leaping before looking, while tempered in her eyes remain the same.

When the plan (loosely termed) came into being, Adrienne found herself without much of a part in it. No one wanted her with the strike force. She was too interested in finding out the reasons before destroying Oberon. No one listened when she and Caine both suggested that someone should deal with Grace while others dealt with Oberon (and yes, it turned out that Grace was behind it all). When Adri spoke to Brennan (who orchestrated the plan) about her plan (suggested by her mother - Brennan's lover) to distract and protect Oberon's wife (Mara), Brennan almost refused. He didn't want her to interfere with the plan. Adrienne didn't believe it would, and finally agreed to stay out of the way and not do anything to interrupt.

She held by that, until they blew up half the castle, by blowing up Oberon. And Stephan ended up trapped in the Dreamlands (not anyone else's fault really, on that one). And yet, when Adrienne wanted to spend time with Stephan and learn how to go back and forth, Jerrym told Caprice he shouldn't show her how. All Adrienne wanted by that point was to be with Stephan. She had been looking for home in recent times, and had finally come to the peace that came with making a home with the one person who was important to her. It was painful not to be with him.

I am babbling horribly. In my mind, I want to believe that Adrienne is happy. That she is able to move between Dream to be with Stephan and back to Amber to be with her mother. That she has found a place and can settle into simply *being*. A part of me knows that can't be true, simply because other characters think she would do something wrong with that power.

I reminded them, Adrienne is fine when she is taught. Its when she has to discover her own way, with her own logic, that things go wrong. The trouble happens when people try to keep her in the dark. *smiles*

I am working to put her away in my head. I have tapes. I have her site, and all the conversations. So much from over seven years of gaming. During that time, I personally have been married, bought a house, had two kids, become a manager (hells, I'd only worked at FAC for 4 months when I joined the game!).

I don't think I still have the original post from Julia. Which listed how far she was from Albany. I smiled to read it, and I'm glad I joined. I remember being terrified that first session, because I knew no one in the game. I was shy for so long (yes, me, shy). I had met Stormy at ACUS, and Julia at Arisia, and then joined the game during the June session (it had started in January). But I knew no one else, and barely knew those I had met, and everyone already knew each other online. It was scary. But it was gaming, and I quickly grew to love the game, and Adrienne.

I'm going to miss it. The game. The social part too.

*sighs* Its over.

1. How well did you do in History class in school?
I got low A, high B. Mostly because I am too stubborn to do worse if I can avoid it. But did I like it? No, not really. I enjoy learning and am interested in history, but I can't memorize. Nope, I am REALLY terrible at rote memorization. Languages and music, where the memorization has meaning to me -- that works. But flat dates and facts do not. I need associations for it to stick.

On the other hand, reading a fictional work based around history works really well for me.

2. Who is your favorite historical "good" person?
*Frowns* *Looks around as if the answer lies somewhere in this room*

Um, I don't know... I told you things don't stick very well in my head. *grins*

3. Who is your favorite historical "bad" person?
Oddly enough, I don't focus on specific people in history. I focus on the events and the effects they had on the recipients. I think this is my problem answering these questions.

4. Is there a historical event or era that has caught your imagination?
When I was a kid I somehow focussed in on World War II and the holocaust. It terrified me. It fascinated me that humanity could go so wrong. Come to think of it, the Salem Witch Trials for much the same reason (although that is *also* because George Burroughs is my ancestor). I've read a lot and studied a lot on WWII although that has waned now that I am an adult and don't have the time.

5. If you could choose any historical time and place to live, where and when would you choose?
As much as I am fascinated by the middle ages, the rennaissance, etc., I want to live NOW. I happen to like my modern conveniences. *grins*

6. If you could go back in time with your present knowledge intact, where would you go and what would you do?
I wouldn't. Yeah, that sounds odd. But if I went back and changed something, then NOW wouldn't be NOW. And I don't think I could make that decision because in my innocent attempt to make it all better, I could make it horribly worse.

7. Which version of the beginning of time do you subscribe to? (Big Bang, Biblical Creation, etc...)
Yes. *smiles* Basically, I am a scientist. I believe that evolution happened. However, there are periods of evolution we can't account for yet, and there are mutations that are extremely lucky that it happened, so I don't discount a diety's involvement, either. Hence, "yes".

Pain is my constant companion.

I have fibromyalgia. I'm not even sure I'm spelling it right. *sighs* But what that means is constant pain in varying amounts. Yesterday swelling started in my right shoulder and arm, and my fingers keep going out of control on my main hand. This makes typing interesting. My thumb is stiff. Sometimes the side of my hand burns.

And there is very little I can do to combat it. I have a diet of advil, and lots of water because the heat isn't helping. But the more I do -- the more I lift my children, do housework, etc -- the worse it gets.

And sleep is a factor, too. If I don't sleep, I don't heal. They've determined that one of the best ways to fight fibro is to sleep regularly, using a sleep aid to ensure that the proper amount of deep sleep is gotten. I can't do that -- not with two children and a job that requires me to have a pager and too much hell on the servers lately. *groans*

It'll get better when the sleep starts happening again. And when the stress goes down. But for now, if you see a typo -- blame my stiff thumb. *smiles*

1. How long have you had a weblog?
May 27, 2002

2. What was your first post about?
So, it's been a day. I just rambled on about my day... baking cookies with Dani, parenting, the long weekend.

3. How many changes (name, location, etc.) of your weblog have there been, if more than one?
Same name all along for *this* blog, which is my main one. The Hall of Mirrors is my domain, my site, and ME. That part won't change, I don't think.

4. What CMS (content management system) do you use?
Now, MT. I started with Blogger, but Julia convinced me to try MT out and I just LOVE it.

5. Do you read people who have both a journal and a weblog? Or do you prefer to read people who have all of their writing in one central place?
There's a difference? *confused look* Um... I just read what seems interesting. Which reminds me, I need to update my sidebar. Maybe this weekend I can get to that.

I was awoken this morning by a kiss on the nose.

I was lying on my bed, half hanging off the side (facing the side I don't usually, actually), and my daughter leaned in to kiss my nose as I slept.

I wasn't thrilled to be awake, but she had a point -- it was time. Ryan snoozed on as I showered and Dani dressed, and then I put her lunch together. I didn't awaken him until it was time to tuck him into the car in order to take Dani to school.

I think if Kevin had been able to drop off Dani this morning, Ryan and I would've slept in. A *LOT*.

His fever appears to have broken. It may yet return as the day goes on, I suppose, and I won't forget to pack his various medications to go to my parents' this weekend. But for the moment, he is cool, and not so moody. This is good. I'm actually hoping to catch a bit of a snooze myself this afternoon (he's napping now) if at all humanly possible. I'm still exhausted, and we have driving to do after Kev and Dani get home.

But first, laundry. I'm trying desperately to get through a few loads of laundry (including dry time) so we can pack more easily. And so I'm not completely screwed on Sunday when we get back. And then, after lunch, a trip out to the grocery store to get the things we most desperately need, like formula, and diapers. *groans* How the hell am I ever supposed to save money when I spend more than I have monthly just on groceries and gas???

I have a few blessed moments while he naps. I've now done dishes and got a load of laundry in. I'll fold some more laundry shortly. And begin the packing. I want to get as much done as possible before Kevin and Dani are home so all we have to do is pack his car and hit the road. *fingers crossed* I'd like to get in at a reasonable hour tonight. We're all just too tired to make it a late night, I think. Besides, it may take time to get Ryan all settled this time.

Its been a long day, but remarkably peaceful. At least, in some meaning of the word, I suppose.

The night was interrupted one more time, when Ry woke up at 4:15 or so. I gave him a bottle, and he drank about 3 ounces that time, and I had him back in bed by 5am or so. But then I turned off my alarm... it'd been a bad enough week and all that I figured I could get in a little late since well, I hadn't exactly slept much all night. I wanted to make sure I could safely arrive if I drove. *wry smiles*

I finally got up around 7am (only an hour late). Kev helped me get Dani up and in motion, getting ready to go to school. I made it into work not too late, so it was okay.

And the day was much more peaceful than they have been lately. I managed to mostly lock myself in my corner and get some things done. I lost my voice throughout the day, and well, found out that I've been looking as strung out as I've felt with all the stress and exhaustion. So I made arrangements to take Friday as a personal day, rather than trying to work at home while taking care of Ryan. I needed the assurance that I wasn't going to have to try to get 8 hours of work in while he was sick and while errands needed to be run. And its a load off my mind to know I can relax a little.

Even the evening wasn't too bad. Some tough times as his temperature rose and rose again after 8pm, but we couldn't give him more motrin until 9ish. But once we did, Kevin got him to lie down for bed. He just got up and drank a good amount of formula, and he's still blessedly cool. I'm hoping that maybe it means the fever broke, but I'm being cynical and figuring it hasn't. If it hasn't, I'm calling the dr. I know there's nothing they can do if its a virus, but I'm looking for advice I guess. Poor kid. I feel like such a failure because I can't fix it.

That's one of the hardest things about being a parent -- when your child looks at you with that bewildered why is this happening to me and can't you fix it mommy expression, and the answer is no, you can't. *groans*

So anyway, now that he's tucked back into his crib, and he seems to be sleeping well enough, if snoring noisily, I am going to go back to bed. And in the morning maybe I can figure out what's gone wrong with my CD burner -- it won't read CDs particularly well, and it keeps failing on burn. *groans* And I've got a CD I've just *got* to get burned tomorrow. It'd be no big if I were going to work -- I'd drop the files onto the laptop and burn them in the office. But with staying home, I've got to find a way to do it here. Stupid hardware.

Gee, including this, I guess my last couple of entries have been SO upbeat. *sighs*

I'm exhausted. Its 1am, and I'm still up, despite my wanting to go to bed around 10pm. I was actually getting ready for bed. Winding down, sending out one last PBEM post before I conked out.

Then Ryan started fussing. So I started dealing with him, because he was crying and cranky and hot. I took his temp. Not bad. But he seemed hotter. So I took it in the other ear and it was MUCH higher. So then I did tylenol and a cold bath (oh he just so didn't enjoy that one). And now hours later we're still up, he's still cranky and exhausted and hot and hungry. And half the bottle's gone to waste. And Kevin's up and ticked now because he was asleep and I got him up three times -- the last time because then Dani was up too and I just couldn't deal with comforting both kids at once -- its impossible.

So yeah, I guess I sound like I'm in a pretty bad place. And its not that I don't love my kids. I do. That's one of the hardest things. I feel like a bad mom because I'm resentful because I have to go to work tomorrow so I'm just getting into worse and worse shape this week between work being hell and more hell and even worse hell and home being hell and I just can't deal with it all and still be sane. And I can't *fix* the problem either except cuddle and give tylenol and there's only so much cuddling you can do when the baby's screaming and pushing at you and its 1 in the morning and you haven't slept right in three nights.

I'm really not handling this time in my life very well at all.

Its been a rotten day.

One server blew up on its own, by virtue of Windows Update. A once in a thousand sort of thing, and it had to happen while we're in the middle of a string of bad luck with servers.

One server transition actually went well... except a host of small issues, and Win2K bug for window settings, caught us out and it seemed far worse to the end users.

That all just snowballed into an utterly unpeachy day.

Add in one son ill and home with one husband who thinks he's getting it next. One daughter fully cranked out and shrieking at the end of the night.

And top it all off with being bitten by a nasty little bug.

Yes, a real bug. Not a software bug. Not an illness bug. But a real live bug.

I was sitting on this chair in my dining room, my feet pulled up and my leg against the side of the back of the chair. I felt this tiny pinching, and I moved, looking at the chair for a splinter. Nope, no splinter. I made a confused face and went back to sitting the way I was.

There it was again. A pinching along my leg like something was sticking into it. Frowning, I moved my leg again and peered at the chair. I moved back, and peered again.

And there, peering almost as cautiously back at me, was the nasty little bug. It was between the back of the chair and the side of the back, in the darkness. And it apparently had considered my leg an invader.

It is now, of course, dead and gone.

It was an earwig. So out of curiosity, I looked them up. Turns out, that's what's probably eating our garden, so I'm going to set out traps for them in the morning. This one probably came in on something we brought in, or our shoes or something, and then took up residence in the darkest little spot it could find.

I just have to remember to look before I sit, apparently. And get rid of the nasty things in my garden!

Dani is so adorable. The other evening I asked if she would like me to braid her hair before bed so that she would have curly hair in the morning. She was all excited -- she wanted her hair to be curly like Aunty Liz's. You see, on Friday, Dani and I had finally noticed Liz's perm (which I have been told I've managed to NOT notice for like the entire time since before Ryan's birth *sighs*).

So now, for the past two days, Dani has braided her hair and night, and in the morning we've brushed out her wavy hair and pulled it back in two barrettes ("*Barrettes* like Aunty Liz, Mommy. NOT a ponytail!"). And she looks SO adorable with her hair in a little wavy fuzz about her face. I've got to get a picture of her somehow but my camera is still broken (can't afford a new lens right now). *sighs*

Okay, after publicly stating that I'm a night-owl, and well-versed in the subject of sleep deprivation, let me add that when I *want* and *need* to sleep... its bad to keep me awake. *groans* I get cranky and nasty and downright bitchy.

This said... tonight Ry went to bed early. He was exhausted and dinner, and although he ate well, he just wanted to sleep, so I gave him his bottle and off he went into lala land.

I just paid for it. I was getting ready for bed at 11:40 or so, and heard him fussing. Well, he'd been doing that since 7:30, on and off, since he went to sleep. So I thought nothing of it.

At midnight it turned into an outright crank. Complete with screaming fit. So I fed him, noted a mild (under 100 in the ear) fever, and cuddled him back to sleep, searched out the tylenol, administered that, and tucked him back into bed.

I figure he's teething. That would fit the symptoms, as well as the little red ridge next to the other little itty bit tooth. *smiles*

So anyway, here it is, fully an hour after I intended to be in bed, and I can barely keep my eyes open. My head aches, and I'm feeling miserable.

*sigh* Staying up late works much better when I'm actually somewhat rested to begin with.

1. Do you remember your first encounter with computers? Tell me about that.

My first encounters with computers are all sort of jumbled up inside my head. I think it was Julie's TRS-80 that was the first... I think hers came before my own. *thinks* Yes, yes, that was it. I went over to my new best friend's house, when I was in seventh grade, and she had a TRS-80 Model 1. We played the classic Adventure game that afternoon, and she showed me Eliza, and we were in stitches trying to get really silly answers out of that.

You know Eliza, right? The original online psychiatrist. It was a very simple basic program that tried to be a psychiatrist -- basically, it asked questions, and it would say "how do you feel about that?" to your answers. Sometimes the way it would turn a statement into a question was riotous. In those innocent years, it seemed almost like AI.

Then there was the classic Adventure. With two word commands -- "Get Key", "Go North", "Kick Gnome" -- it was about as simple as it could get. But that was the classic, and in part, it became a large part of my eventual introduction to roleplaying when Julie and I began to write our own adventure games and play them without the computer.

2. How late can you stay up and still be functional the next day? Do you do that very often?

About 1am, if I get to sleep consistently until 6 or 7. Much later if I can sleep later. Do I do it often? All too often, probably. I usually don't go to bed until midnight or so. This is probably bad, since I tend to operate on 4-6 hours of sleep a night regularly.

I am all too familiar with the symptoms of sleep deprivation.

3. When was the last really good hug you got from another adult? Who was it and what was the situation?

This sounds like you're looking for more than the last walk-by hug I got from my husband. *smiles* When? Dunno... I honestly, don't know.

4. One thing about children is that they all like to draw. We all shared the same ability and skill level at one time. Do you still like to draw? (Not do you think you draw well, or do others, but do you like to?) If not, how come? Did you get discouraged at some point?

I still love to draw. I doodle when I am sitting places sometimes, but I've actually tried to stop that habit just because I end up with all kinds of doodles in all sorts of strange places like my planner at work.

I used to try to draw, in a rather cartoony style, and sell the artwork at SF cons. I'm not THAT good, though. Which is a pity. There are all these things in my head that I just can't get out!!

5. I way overslept today. I had to head to work with no shower (don't get too close), and I am not in the best of moods. Have you ever overslept on a day you had something important going on? What's the story there?

*laughs* Constantly. I'm not a morning person. At all. In fact, just last week I wasn't to work until almost 9am twice because I managed to either sleep through my alarm or more likely, turn it off in my sleep. I had to cut corners by having Ryan eat at daycare instead of at home. Dani won major points by being a good girl and getting herself ready all by herself those days.

6. Ever go shopping for something you know you can't afford? You look at it and even think about how it will look when you get it home, somehow you justify the cost and believe it can happen? And just before you get to the counter come to your senses? What was the last thing you almost bought, but thought better of it? And why the heck do we do that to ourselves?

I can't even think of a single example of this. It happens all the times. And almost as often I give in to impulse and buy it anyway (I'm a bad influence on people -- don't go shopping with me if you don't want to buy those things you think about but don't think you should).

7. (It begins again...) It's all such a blur now. I'd asked you to help me wake up but the alarm didn't go off. It was 10 till and just I knew I'd be late. Somehow you got me here on time. How did you do that? 

Didn't happen. You're still dreaming.

BONUS: Can't you see, you belong to me?

Somehow this sets off the Liana voices in my head... she who changes the lyrics of "Eternal Flame" from "You belong with me" to "You belong to me" whenever I'm singing it...

Kim said...
I'm not sure how old your kids are, but you might try ElfQuest with them. Scott and I plan to start ours (when we have them) on that one.

My daughter Danielle (Dani, or the peanut) is 4 years old, and my son Ryan is 7 1/2 months. Dani's been around gaming since she was born... hells, since before she was born. I took a maternity leave from WEF and from AoW (which I was running) when she was born, and then jumped right back in. So she knows mommy and daddy both game, and she's got a fairly decent understanding of what gaming is. Or at least as much as a four year old can understand.

I've thought a lot about where to start someday. Handily, I know the parents of her best friends decently well (and one of those parents has expressed an interest in learning about gaming recently). I also have a few gaming friends with kids. I think I think even more about how to approach gaming with her friends -- so she can have a little gaming group of her own.

I may start systemless. Its what she sees most often -- no dice, just notes and a lot of talking, and mom being different people as the GM. So just as an outgrowth of "let's pretend". In a way, that's where I started, combined with the computer games, so its a logical place to go.

The hardest part of gaming with kids is the separation of "pretend" and "real". We have a lot of conversations about those as it is -- she watches a very different type of thing on TV or movie than her friends do, but then, she also gets a lot of the difference and therefore isn't as scared. And we also talk about righ and wrong -- a necessary topic before one can really get into a lot of things in life!!

Oh, another possible starting point, as something familiar, is always doing a Harry Potter Lite sort of thing. Zip out some of the darkness and keep the fun pieces. That would give the kids a familiar world at least. That's one of the big things, I think -- familiarity of world. But then, I think I've got a few years yet before she'll really be ready for it. Of course, I want to be ready when she is!

Well, it wasn't the RenFest, but it was most definitely still a good day.

We started off slowly in the morning. Well, Ryan woke up at 3am demanding food (I think he's growing -- I *know* the second tooth is coming in), and was up for an hour or so. But then I got to sleep in until 8am. Yay!

So we got up and got moving slowly. We got in touch with Josh & Liz and made tentative plans for bowling. While they did some stuff, we went out and did some work on the garden -- putting up cages for the tomatoes and cucumbers, and feeding the whole thing through the watering system. All good things, that should make for healthier veggies!

And then after lunch we headed up to Josh & Liz's and met up with them, and then went over to bowling with them and Evan & Annette. And that was quite fun! Dani had her own lane, and bowled four strings. We could tell she was getting tired by the end because her score had gone down. Then she took a break and ate french fries while watching the adults finish up their second string. I had started out fantastic (a strike on my first throw), but hadn't broken 100 either game. *sighs* Kevin and Liz on the other hand were amazing. Kev bowled better than I have *ever* seen him bowl, and Liz just beat him by 1 pin on the first game, and tied him on the second.

After that it was back to Josh & Liz's for a while, and hung around, and then out to dinner at the Dragon Buffet. Ryan ate a lot of finger food -- he's trying to get into feeding himself, but still chokes a lot and scares the crap out of me when he does that. We were there for a long time, but it was very enjoyable. We talked about all kind of things, from cooking to work to gardening to kids (we had one of those conversations about child-bearing that I'm sure just thrilled the other diners around us *laughs*).

Then we got to go over to Evan & Annette's for the first time and see their house. Kevin had intended to just stop in for a little bit, but Ryan was sleeping, and then he was having his bottle, and Dani was having such a great time, and we ended up staying for a couple of hours. We actually just got home, tucked both kids straight into bed, and as soon as I wind down, its off to bed myself.

I promised Liz I'd blog something, just for her, and now I can't remember what it was. *sighs*

But yeah, it definitely wasn't the RenFest, but it *was* a much needed enjoyable day with other adults as well as with our kids. It was a *very* good thing.

1. How did/will you tell your children about sex and childbirth and at what age?
Lessee, we've already given Dani (the 4 year old) a basic overview of the subject, which we did the first time when she was about 3 1/2. Of course, we had a good reason, too -- she asked. I was pregnant with Ryan at the time.

I don't see any reason to hide the subject. Honestly, the longer you keep it a mystery, the more curious they are, and the more likely they are to try and find out about it by other means. Demystify it and make it a part of life and they're not going to go exploring. At least, that's the theory.

Basically, I answer questions as asked, and I'm honest. I'll do the same with Ryan. And hopefully we'll end up with well-adjusted kids who aren't afraid to ask questions, and don't feel the need to try things before they're ready.

2. How old were you when you found out about sex and how did it happen?
According to my mom, she told me when I asked at about 4 or 5 years old. I don't remember that one consciously. I remember my best friend when I was in fourth grade got this book about the facts of life and we read it and giggled about it. And then, of course, there were various Judy Blume books (progressively more and more detailed as they were designed for older and older people) for more learning from.

3. What was the most shocking thing that you ever discovered about sex? (Shocking at the time that you discovered it, not necessarily shocking now.)
I can't think of much I was ever shocked by! When I was a kid I thought it was awfully funny -- and the book described the act as pleasurable so we thought people would laugh. But that's about it. I guess I've always been pretty accepting of yeah, well, someone must enjoy it then about whatever I've heard or read or whatever.

4. Tell us about any "first" in your sexual life.
I had to think about this to come up with something my husband wouldn't consider too high on the TMI index (whether or not it had to do with him).

So we'll go with the first french kiss.

I was sixteen, and Steve was my first boyfriend, so he also gave me my first kiss. He had a real thing for french kissing, and his version of it was trying to shove his tongue as far down my throat as humanly possible. Of course, I thought it was the thing we were supposed to be doing (wasn't it?) and being naive, I just kind of tried to go along with it. But that first day, he was eating kumquats, so it was kind of like being kissed while an orange was shoved down my throat.

To this day I can't stand kumquats.

5. What is your "sexual identity"?
I leave it as an exercise for the reader to find the right mirror with the right reflection to reveal that answer... *smiles*

Once again, we have a change in plans. This week Dani's sick -- same thing Ryan had last week. So the poor little one has a cough, and is hoarse with a nasty sore throat. We've just tucked her into bed with her sleepytime cough medicine and some tylenol.

But that means that like Readercon, the RenFest isn't happening. *sighs*

We're going to try to arrange it for another weekend, but first we have to *find* a weekend. That part's not easy, but we'll see if we can manage it.

So, since we weren't driving out to Herkimer, we went out to dinner with Josh & Liz. We *finally* went to Ocean Palace -- a local Chinese place I've been wanting to go to for ages. They serve dim sum for lunch, and when we asked, they said we could order for dinner too. Ooh! It was utterly wonderful. It made up for a part of the change in plans. And the kids were so well-behaved. Dani ate a bowl and a half of rice, and Ryan enjoyed fortune cookies as well as his dinner.

Tomorrow, if Dani's feeling okay, we'll do something with Josh & Liz for the afternoon, which'll be really nice. Dani adores Aunty Liz and wants to spend time with them tomorrow, so she's really excited and hoping she feels well enough.

The weekend won't be a bad one, just not the one we planned. Hopefully it'll at least be relaxing.

Ryan has this toy he loves. My mom gave him three stuffed bugs for Christmas -- each one is a different shape, and has different noises that it makes. The one he particularly likes has crunchy ears, like paper covered with fabric. The bug also rattles. We have named it, so originally, just Bug.

He has started chewing on burp cloths, so I was figuring maybe he was getting a security blanket. But he hasn't formed an attachment, really, to anything but Bug.

So today I noted... Ryan doesn't have a security blanket, he has a Security Bug.

And of course, as a programmer, I found that really funny....

1. Where were you born?
Just outside of Boston, Massachusetts.

2. If you still live there, where would you rather move to? If you don't live there, do you want to move back? Why or why not?
I've been living in the capdist of NYS since 1986, when I came up here to go to college. I'd love to go back to Massachusetts. Partly because I'm close to my parents, and they are close to my kids. Partly because there are friends there (although that is balanced by friends here that I will miss horribly). And partly because my husband would like to move to Massachusetts eventually, since he was born here and thinks its time for a change. *smiles*

3. Where in the world do you feel the safest?
Um, that's a really good question for which I am not sure there is a good answer! I can't think of a place that just makes me feel inherently safe. A person, now, is something else entirely. Which makes curling up with my arm around my husband the best answer.

4. Do you feel you are well-traveled?
Oh yes. I've been to Italy twice, Britain, Canada multiple times. I love to travel, and enjoy going to conventions all over the place when I can manage to afford it. Luckily I grew up with parents who figured that if it were within an 8 hour drive we could get there in a day easily enough so why not go!

5. Where is the most interesting place you've been?
Mm, I've been too many cool places to make this one easy. There's Venice, which is just gorgeous and great exercise. And London and Glasgow, both of which were just fascinating and there was the Tower of London and all kinds of fun things. In the US I'm trying to think and again there are a lot of fun places. It makes it hard to choose!

I have now seen Moulin Rouge. Even knowing what was coming... even seeing it, so obvious, from a mile away... I still bawled when it happened. It was wonderful. It was horrendously painful.

Gods... I loved it.

Do I need to say more? Half the world has seen it... many obsess over it. Suffice to say -- go see it. Make it through the first half, be ready for frenetic pace and strange cuts. Wonderful directing. Wonderful art and mood. Just absolutely wonderful.

(And on the who am I quiz I came up as Christian... yeah, I can see that.)

When thinking about the infamous Amber casting thread, there is only one option for Florimel for me -- Nicole Kidman. I've used her as my model for one Trump I have done, for Damara's campaign.

Now, as I watch Moulin Rouge, I am once again impressed by how much she can make me think of my image of Flora. Her expressions, her shifts, her way of looking at people and playing with people... Nicole as Satine works so well for Flora.

It is always hectic to plan to leave for the weekend directly after work. But there is something wonderful about it as well... after all, when we pack the car tomorrow we do not plan to return to the house, so doesn't that mean the weekend begins in the morning? So that part makes me look forward to it, despite all the rush and hurry and list making involved in getting a family of four successfully out the door before any of us are truly awake in the morning.

We will be going to the RenFest on Saturday, and I am looking forward to it thoroughly. The last time I went was when I was pregnant with Danielle, 5 summers ago now. And I've never actually been with Kevin -- he was away at army or something the last time I went. So this should be a great time. I can't wait to seehow Danielle enjoys it!! Ryan won't really care -- just a lot of people to play with from his point of view.

Bridgette asked us to describe our character's room for Age of Retribution

1. One hot summer afternoon, while walking through a parking lot at a large shopping mall, you notice a dog suffering badly from the heat inside a locked car. What would you do?
Yikes. First instinct is to get into that car... I would never want to be responsible for the loss of life. I think what I would probably do is call the police. I've got a cell phone -- I'd call the police because they could get animal control and the police could get into the car and rescue the poor dog. And it'd be a lot faster than hiking down to the mall and having them try to page the person.

2. You are in a restaurant rest room. You notice an employee leaving without washing his/her hands. Do you bring the matter to the attention of the owner or manager? If so, do you do it publicly or privately?
Actually, I'd approach the employee first. Quietly, politely (or at least attempt to be) mention to them that they should wash their hands before leaving. If they object or get confrontational, then I would quietly ask to see the manager and explain to them that I have been thoroughly grossed out and ignored to boot, and that they really need to do something about the problem.

3. What is one item you own that you really should throw away ... but probably never will?
One item?? Only ONE??? *laughs loudly* My husband says he should back up the dumptruck cuz I'd never miss it all. He's wrong, though. One of the big ones is probably the closet full of computer equipment. Or my letter jacket from high school. I can't stand to throw away memories.

I was just looking at my sidebar and thinking about names.

There are times when I think I've gone off on this naming kick, and all the names of all my characters sound the same.

Diana/Deanna/Damara/Delana
Amery/Aileen/Alain

Lots of Kat's in there too.

But then I just looked at the sidebar and sort of tasted the names that are there. Adrienne, Damara, Kale... Diana, Jenny, Jinx, Phoebe, Talis. They are all different, and in many ways each one rings true for the character it was. Talis could never be anyone in my head but who she was. Jinx (or Jordan as her actual name was) will always be that personality. Kale is Kale, and Adrienne (or Adri as she is sometimes called) will always be Adrienne.

It is interesting how a name becomes attached to a character, and how they come to fit the character, or perhaps, the character comes to fit them. And no matter how much I seem to go on a naming jag, when I look back at the character names who have survived, similarities aside, the names *belong* to those characters that have them.

But then, names are important to me... oftentimes both the easiest and hardest part of creating a character. Sometimes I will go for symbolism -- as in Phoebe's case. And sometimes for sound and style, as in Jenny. She is Genvieve, with the proper long name, but always was the girl-next-door Jenny to everyone. Which totally fit.

Okay, I finally managed to get an archives link built. Got the templates all worked out, and now it will be possible to get to pieces of fiction that are built randomly through here by their own title. Admittedly, since archives go in reverse order, it might still be tough to read (go bottom to top) but it'll be easier than hunting down dates! Heh, I feel productive!

A new short story, I think... mostly some random ramblings that began tripping off my pen today, and we'll see where they go. And it was interesting... I started typing the title, and it sort of typed itself. Hopefully this is a good sign!!

[This started the other day, and I've added more tonight... should I continue? Click More to read it...]

One part coffee, two parts chocolate. The coffee was thick and black, dark and bitter. The chocolate was dark and sweet. No milk or cream.

Jane was too impatient to wait for it to cool, sipping at it as soon as it mixed, and feeling the burn against her tongue. She swirled it in her mouth, letting the heat disapate against the tender skin before swallowing it. There, one mouthful, then two. Soon the caffeine would be sliding into her system, making her eyes pop open, her fingers jitter. A strange feeling, as her body was taken over by odd nerves, but oh so welcome, this morning.

"How the hell long have you *been* here already?"

"Huh?" Jane looked up and then smiled to see Justin standing over her. His blue eyes were shaded by brows furrowed with concern. Then she covered her mouth as she tried to stifle a yawn. "Too long," she finally answered his question. "I kept waking up last night, so I finally decided to jack in and see if I could get some work done, and when I did I saw all these damned alarms going off. So I got dressed and came in. I've been here for about 4 hours already."

Justin looked at the steaming cup of mocha cradled in her hands, then back to her pale and drawn face. "Is that why you look like shit, or is it something else?"

It took her a moment to decide how to reply. Justin was a friend, of sorts, if anyone at work could be called that. They went out for drinks sometimes, but that was about it. Justin had a girlfriend back on Long Island that he spent most of his free weekend time with, so it was rare they saw each other outside of the office. But it wasn't like she had anyone else around actually asking...

"I haven't been sleeping," she admitted. She stopped then, looking down at the coffee and sipping at it, feeling it burn her tongue on the way down again. Hot... so very hot. It was the sensation that drew at her. The feeling and the wait for the surge. "So I'm running on empty."

"Yow." Justin pulled up a spare chair, spinning it around and sitting on it backwards, his arm across the back of the chair. "Why not? What's wrong?"

Jane shrugged, a wry smile quirking at the corner of her mouth. "I'm not sure. I keep waking up. Sometimes..."

She stopped then, uncertain how much she dared say to Justin, sitting there in the office. The mug slipped from her hands, landing with a clunk on the desk, the liquid sloshing a bit. Her fingers sought out a pen, twirling it, twisting it... discovering that the plastic bent when stressed. Bent when stressed... she repeated the words beneath her breath, and unheard by anyone else they tasted right.

Justin's hand was on her arm, and she looked at it, surprised that it had appeared there without her seeing it happen. "Sometimes... what?" he asked softly.

Jane looked away again, looking at the pen twisted in her hand. "Sometimes... I wake up because I hear things. Like the door has opened and someone stands there, breathing, at the foot of my bed. Or footsteps in the hallway. Or murmurs as a hand brushes my shoulder, then forehead." She glanced up, half-knowing what he was going to say. "My cat is asleep on my bed, curled up against my hip like she always is. I don't have any other pets. Nor a boyfriend right now. Its just me, and the cat, and that's it."

Well, this one was a bit of a surprise! Although for amusement value, Kev's Ravenclaw too!

Where do YOU belong?

By way of Brian Peace at Random Ravings...

Finding this movie was a complete surprise. I bumped into it in the wee hours one night when Ryan was first born. I was up with him, and he was refusing to sleep, so I needed something to occupy my mind. I flipped through the movie channels and happened upon But I'm a Cheerleader!

I saw the first half that night, and wanted to see the rest, but had to Tivo it and watch it at another time. I finally managed to see the rest, and now I find I have to own a copy of it so I can share it! If you like farcical fare, and want to see RuPaul in a male role (!), I highly recommend this movie. I adored it, and was surprised by where it went (or rather, how it got there).

Spoilers ahead... click more, if you want to know, well, more. *grins*

When the movie first began, I thought it was a simple farce. Megan, a cheerleader, is entranced by images of her squad-mates anatomy, and can't stand french-kissing her boyfriend. Her friends and family perform an intervention, telling her they believe she is a (shock! horror!) lesbian, and then send her to True Directions to find her way back to heterosexuality. [RuPaul plays Mike, the male counselor at the school.]

Megan rebels the whole way there, uncertain she is a lesbian, but once there, she finally admits that perhaps she is. The school is peopled with a mix of young men and women, all in various stereotypes of homosexuality (Andre, one of the boys, is just SO stereotypical limpwristed).

As Megan goes through the steps of the program, she finds that she is attracted to Graham, a girl who arrived as a happily card-carrying lesbian from the get-go. And Graham returns it... The story becomes more serious as the two become friends, and then as they steal a night away from the school and their friendship shifts to love. It is then that the farce begins to be colored by the more serious matter of being true to oneself and to one's sexuality.

This is not a movie against homosexuality. The frightening thing is that places like True Directions DO exist. The irony in the movie is that if Megan had never been sent there, she might never have understood herself, and might have never been happy with herself, her sexuality, her life. She grows as a person there, from simply a cheerleader dating a football player, to a young woman who is scared of where life is taking her, but makes the decisions she has to in order to get where she needs to go.

It is a great movie, and I highly recommend it.

Dani's gymnastics lessons continue, and she loves them! She doesn't practice as hard as Rachel, but then, maybe that's my fault. We are so whirlwind around here every evening, and she doesn't think of it. I should probably encourage her.

She wants to keep going, so she'll take more in the fall. Unfortunately, she can't be in the same class as Rachel in the fall. We're going to try and do class on the same night at least so they can watch each other for a bit. But they are right -- Dani isn't patient enough or disciplined enough to go on to the next class yet. The ten months difference is really huge sometimes as I watch them together.

Dani watches the big kids as we go in and out of the gym. She is fascinated by the tumbling, and really wants to be able to do what they do. I'm going to get her a leotard or two, and I think if she has one she can "play" with at home, she'll be encouraged to do more practicing too. And its cool to watch her.

She has my flexibility, which is both good and bad. It means she'll need to really work to get any flexibility in the shoulders, so starting young will just help her in everyday life someday if she can gain that. But her natural flexibility in the legs and toe point are both excellent. She's got a lot to work with, and she likes it, so its a definite to keep on going.

Ryan has a tooth!! Just a little one, but it popped all the way through the gum without us noticing it was happening. In fact, it probably happened while he was sick and all croupy and everything. So at least that explains why he's the king of fussy lately.

On the other hand, it might also explain his nausea. Yeah, sick again. He stayed at daycare yesterday, but today after he threw up twice, they had me come get him. Which I totally understand... but... he's only doing it there! He didn't throw up at all last night, or after I got him home today. *sighs* I think its the post-nasal drip, and if he gets himself worked up he gets all gaggy. *sighs again*

But on the good side, he has a tooth! And he's only not quite 8 months old -- a big improvement over Dani getting hers just before her first birthday!

He also had his first french fry tonight, and he absolutely loved it!

Just responding to a few of the comments... *smiles*

Scott said...
They would have dragged me away in chains at 34 if it was illegal to be gaming. :)

Okay, well, yes, me too. *smiles* It ranks up there with "mommy's don't write that!" which is my description of some of the fiction I write. But I refuse to stop gaming, and stop writing erotica, just because I'm now a 34 year old mother of two. Rather, I think I need to keep doing all my fave hobbies simply to keep myself in some semblance of sanity!

Y'know, I think the world would be a better place if more people used a safe way to escape from life for a while like gaming.

One of these days I'll give a true history of me as a gamer -- from D&D and Greyhawk to the Masks of Nyarlothotep; from cheesy villains in V&V (Champions is one of the =few= games I've never played, much to my chagrin) and Superhero: 2044 (an old chestnut if ever there was one), to Storm Knights in TORG, I've done a lot.

I think that's one really good quality in a gamer -- someone who's tried a lot of different systems. Just because experience is really the best way to find out what's good and what's not, and to teach a person how to make a judgement call or throw out the rules when necessary. Its hard to say that to a novice gamer and have them know enough to throw out the right stuff so that it doesn't harm the game.

I'm not saying that everyone ends up having the same view of systems and how to modify them, nor that there *is* only one good view. Just that experience with a lot of different things gives one a good idea of how to find *one* right way.

It's odd how we've returned to 3rd Edition, too. I discovered last year that it's =fun=. Sure, it has its problems, but I find I really enjoy it.

I haven't played it much yet -- only via PBEM. I've been reading the rules, and *want* to run it because well, there were things about AD&D that I liked (go ahead, everyone, laugh!). I liked the class system enough to mimic it with my own guild system, but I always felt it needed a better explanation, and more flexibility. And there is something about that is simply well... fantasy. *smiles* Its a particular style of fantasy and of game feel that isn't done by any other game. While other games may be "better", there is *nothing* that has the feel of AD&D.

I perused Amber some time back as our friend Gareth has a copy, but we never tried it out.
Ooh, try it. But that's my opinion and I'm an addict. *grins* But if you like the books (and at least the GM really needs to *know* the books) give it a whirl. But be prepared for intense roleplaying and a need to trust the GM and the other players (although not necessarily the characters).

Of course, that means I should do my rant on diceless RP and intense RP one of these days.

We also have Aria, which conceptually sounded stunning, but we only have one of the two books needed. You need a PhD in anthropology to play this one.
What's Aria? *curious look*

Runequest and TORG are my two great loves, though, for gaming. Nothing beats Glorantha for a game world with the possible exception of Tekumel/Petal Throne, and TORG with its reality/genre-blending cannot be topped.

Oddly enough, my experience with Runequest and TORG came together... had a friend who like the TORG world, but not the system, so he ran it with Runequest underlying it. Which worked really really well, IMO, for the little time that it ran. At least, I enjoyed it anyway!

Kim said...
It's cheap?!? Cheap?! Somebody tell Scott that! ;p

*laughter* Okay, okay, depends on the outlook. *grins* It wasn't cheap for me, either, when I was obsessively buying every White Wolf supplement that came out for two or three years straight.

But now that I have most of what I need (I need a few small books for d20, stuff like that), its pretty cheap. The travel costs me more than the game -- cuz I have to travel or host lots of people in order to get a good gaming crew together. Everyone moved away. *pouts*

I arrived at work this morning, and swung my backpack onto my back, out of the car. I marveled at how light it felt this morning, but then remembered that I had emptied out all of the writing stuff I'd been carrying around and left it at home finally. So it was my laptop, and my meds, and a few other things still in it.

Then I realized that along with the junk, I'd also set the stuff I'd brought home to work on next to my laptop on the couch. I'd packed the laptop. I'd left my work at home.

So here I am in the office, sitting here without all my notes on what I'm supposed to be accomplishing. *groans* Thankfully I got a good part of it into Notes yesterday. Unfortunately, I didn't get *enough* done. *sighs* Its gonna be a long night cuz I'm gonna have to catch up for some of this tonight!

1. Have you ever sold anything through an online auction? What did you sell and did you make very much?
Nope, never. I keep *wanting* to do it, but never get around to actually *doing* it. Like all those ancient Magic cards I've got...

2. Have you ever bought anything through an online auction? How was your experience?
Yes, but only once so far! I bought the Saint Seiya DVDs, which are hysterical from the translations (done from Japanese to English by people who speak Chinese *giggles*). The transaction was fine -- I got what I wanted, it wasn't TOO expensive, really, and it arrived promptly. I then stopped looking at EBay again before I tried to buy MORE things!

3. Do you like the sun? Getting a suntan? Have you ever had a bad sunburn?
Have I ever had a bad sunburn? *dry laughs* Oh gods, yes. I burn like crazy. My skin will crisp up completely at the drop of a hat. When I was a kid I used 15 SPF which was *high* for then, and I could still burn through it. I've burned while wearing fishnet tights (in a parade for baton twirling) which was just annoying. I've burned my shoulders so badly I couldn't raise my arms.

But do I like the sun? As long as I've got good shades on, sure. I don't sunbathe -- that's not my style. And I like a good breeze -- I'm not fond of getting really *hot*. And surprisingly enough, this year I've been taking so many walks and working in my garden so much, that I've got a (Very) faint tan on my arms and even have a white mark for my wedding ring!

4. Are you a vegetarian? Why? If not, have you ever considered it?
Am I? No, I like meat too much. Have I considered it? Yeah, who on a diet doesn't? But my husband would never give up meat. Still, we eat more healthily than we used to, and I've even found some versions of tofu that he will eat. So we are closer than we were, but we certainly aren't completely vegetarian.

5. Suppose you are getting into your car after you've just made your purchase from a store you visit twice a week. You suddenly realize you had a .35¢ item in your hand and you forgot to pay for it. What would you do next? (what *would* you do, not what *should* you do)
I'd go in and drop off the 35 cents on the counter, then duck out again. I get guilty very easily... which is good for my ethical health, I suppose. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I'd do it.

6. Sometimes it seems that there is just not enough time to do everything that must be done. Was there anything you wanted to accomplish this weekend that didn't get done?
Yeah, finishing putting up the stakes for my garden! My cucumbers are getting out of control and attacking the beans and must be confined!

7. What is your favorite game to play with a group and/or an individual? (board game, computer game, athletic, etc.)
Er, I'm a roleplayer. So that would be it, overall, I'm certain. *smiles* Choose a decent roleplaying game, and I'm happy. If I have to choose something else, I'm really into card games, especially pinochle. Playing partner pinochle is like a big treat for me. There are also a host of board games I enjoy (Eurorails and Iron Dragon top that list, I think).

I realized today that the voices have voices. Depending on what I am doing my tonality, pitch, intonation and even phrasing change as different aspects of my personality take control. Its interesting to watch, almost like an outsider watching a stranger sometimes.

I hate my laptop. And it hates me. The feeling is definitely mutual. Since I'm using an old hard drive I'm doing a whole host of Windows updates in the hopes that that might just solve some of the problem.

But it might just be that my laptop hates me.

Describe three systems you have gamed under: one you thought was good, one you thought was all right, and one you didn't care for. What were the good points and the bad points of each system? Did the systems support their genre? Were they complex or simple? How easy were they to GM and play? Is there a system you'd really like to try that you haven't? Which ones wouldn't you try based on reading them?

Good system...
Julia discounted Amber from her answers, because the system is minimal. However, I have to say... that's the very reason I will include it. *smiles*

For me, the best systems I've played in, and enjoyed the most, were the ones that were barely there. I like diceless, I'll admit it. My favorite systems have been Amber, my own (the one I've been trying to codify into an actual *system* as opposed to the bits and pieces are that are in existence now), and various other systems taken diceless. Yes, I've played diceless White Wolf, and diceless Champions, if you can believe it.

The why is simple -- I like to concentrate on the roleplay. I get tired of arguing rules, tired of rolling dice for things that just don't need dice, and well... I like non-intrusive rulesets. *smiles*

All right system...
I've played a lot of all right systems. The funny thing is, when I start really thinking about it, the fun of the game doesn't always mean good system. Like Champions. Its allright, but it has holes you can drive a truck through. GURPS is another one. I've enjoyed games I've played in it, and I can make characters easily, and they are fairly intuitive. But it still bogs down for me as a system. Then there is White Wolf, which I understood enough to run and liked at first, until I found the huge holes there. And it kept changing between editions, and well, I ended up using a weird mix of published rules and old rules and home-grown rules. I'm not sure I was entirely playing White Wolf after a while!

I think the best two actual *systems* I can think of, for pure mechanics, are Superworld and Runequest. I love the skill improvement -- place a dot next to a successful skill use and then you have a chance of improving it based on how good you already are -- you are more likely to be able to improve the worse you are. Its nicely realistic and allows for improvement based on actual use of an ability. I'm not all that thrilled with the powers in Superworld, but overall they are usable, and when combined with the skills, I like it for Supers games. Prefer it over Champions when I want a grim and gritty game -- its much more lethal than Champs ever could be. Runequest I don't know a lot of the world, but I've used the system for other worlds and its been great.

Bad system...
Lessee, this one would be easier if I were doing this on the upstairs computer and could see my collection of Superhero games. V&V is one -- randomly generated superheros just drive me NUTS. The Enforcers was just plain BAD. For more well known systems, I still don't get Shadowrun, but then, I'm not a great player of Cyberpunk games anyway.

Things I'd like to try...
I own Theatrix and have never used it. Want to. I've played Nephilim briefly, but would like to see more of it. I've created two Seventh Sea characters that I've never gotten to use and would love to try it out. Although that one is hard for me because I'm not good with published worlds that I'm not familiar with. Fudge sounds like fun.

Although right now, I'm just plain open to available gaming!! As long as its a theme I can deal with, strong on roleplaying, and not a "module" oriented game, I'm open to try it.

[This blog entry was written in the memopad of my BlackBerry last night, but I'm posting it with tonight's timestamp so it doesn't get lost in the past.]

I am sitting at a place of pure American as I type this into my BlackBerry for later transcription into my blog.

We are at the drive-in.

There are only about 400 drive-ins left in the country. More than 1% of them are in the capital district of New York State. The Hollywood is less than ten minutes from my house.

For a family with kids, the drive-in is a wonderful place. A godsend, really. We can all go to the movie and the kids can run around beforehand with other kids. And no one gets upset if our kids cry. Its great!

Tonight is the 50th anniversary celebration. The first movie (Scooby Doo -- Dnai is SO excited to see it!) will start at 8:45 but we've been here since just past 5pm. They've had a DJ and dance contests and Dani's just been having a blast. Its 8 now and the official show has begun. They have a karate club doing demonstrations. One guy just broke 5 slabs of cement and a girl is about to break 2 boars. Cool, huh? The kids are loving it.

There's a juggling show next which Dani has been looking forward to since we got here.

The whole atmosphere is wholesome and family values -- one of those places where I don't mind the term. It is also sort of blue collar, but then, where we live is also very blue collar. I don't mind. The only times I've minded were when we first moved in and people thought we were stuck up college kids. Yeah, like RPI kids are stuck up! *laugh*

Kevin and I have loved drive-ins since before the kids. We finally made it to one together on our honeymoon in the middle of Los Angeles. Yes, they have a HUGE multiscreen drive-in theatre in the heart of LA about ten minutes from Disney! If we go back to LA in '06 for our tenth anniversary (which we will if LA wins the worldcon bid) we will definitely have to go to that theatre again.

Time rolls on as I type. Larry juggles and Dani and Kevin watch while Ryan drinks his bottle. The sun drifts down. And soon the movie will start.

Google! DayPop! This is my blogchalk: English, United States, New York, Wynantskill, Deb, Female, 31-35!

From Julia by way of ***Dave.

Okay, it is officially a GOOD THING that we stayed home from Readercon. Ryan slept all night, until 5ish, and then Kevin fed him and came back to bed. When I woke up this morning finally I looked at my clock. 9:37. Ohmigod. I rolled over and said "I think its time to get up now and we should go check on the girl."

And from the hallway, where we could also hear Ryan's chatter in his room, we heard, "I'm here. I got up, and I got dressed all by myself, and then came upstairs to check on you."

And there is our daughter, all dressed properly and ready for the day, and waiting for us without crying or waking us up.

Damn.

This has never happened before. So she's getting an extra good start to the day. She forgot to go potty, but no big deal -- she didn't have an accident. And while Ryan's still sick, he's sounding much better. And us? Well, Kev slept from 9:30 to 9:30, with about an hour break in the middle, and I slept from 11:30 to 9:30 with a few small breaks in the middle. We're both doing MUCH better!!

Sleep! Woohoo!!!

Ginger said... If you have to give up gaming when you're 34, I'm doomed. I don't seem to show any signs of it, though.

Thankfully I don't show any signs of it either. *grins* Although I *do* find I'm able to do FTF less and less. *grumbles* *pouts*

Part of it is where I live. There aren't that many gamers around here, without driving huge distances, and well, I don't know any other GMs who do the style I'd like to play in the immediate vicinity of where I live. Driving's okay once a month, but unless we're going near my parents' place, or the place is kid-friendly, it just doesn't work with the kids. So when WEF ends, until I start running something or someone else runs and we can bring the kids along, the cons are going to be it for me. Which is why I will continue to go to ACUS and TBR, no matter what! I still kinda wish Kevin could go to ACUS with me -- I think he'd enjoy it.

But I honestly don't see myself stopping gaming. I think I'll still be doing it when Dani's a teenager and old enough to be embarassed by mom acting young. And when Dani has kids and I want to teach *them* to game. I mean, why not?? Its GREAT exercise for the imagination.

After all, if I can be a mom and write erotica, why can't I age and still game?? *grins* Besides, it keeps us all young, right??

1. Tell us about your first concert.
I didn't go to a concert for the first time until I was in college. No, I wasn't really sheltered as a kid. Its more that I didn't get into pop music until I was a junior, almost a senior. And then the people I was most into -- Styx -- weren't touring.

But when I got to Union College, I heard that the Hooters were going to be performing at RPI the second or third week I was at school. My new friends wanted to go, and so did I, so off we went. I had a great time, and bought probably my only official concert t-shirt ever. And y'know, I can't remember more than that. *smiles*

2. Tell us about your last concert.
Er... that's actually an in-progress blog entry which'll eventually get finished and posted! I saw Rush last weekend and it was SO awesome. I'll leave the details for later since I'm writing it up anyway. But suffice to say I had such a great time, and I'm glad Kevin took me.

3. Tell us about your favorite concert.
Three way tie here. *smiles*

The Rush concert. That'll have details soon enough. But I was SO disappointed that it ended after 3 hours of almost solid Rush. I mean, they have so much more music... surely they could've kept going? *smiles*

The second time I saw Styx, along with Kansas, at SPAC. The guys of Styx are just so great, and it was better than the first time I saw them because Tommy Shaw was back again. And Dennis DeYoung is a great showman. And besides, I still love Styx. And having Kansas as an opener was a wonderful surprise. I don't think I've ever seen a lead singer with more energy!

And that same summer as I saw the second Styx concert, I also saw Meatloaf. Now THERE is a showman. Great sets, great stories, and great music. Hugely long songs. Lots of singing along. I will never forget standing on the blanket on the lawn singing Paradise by the Dashboard Light with Kevin, Chris, Kat and Chris. *happy little sighs*

4. Tell us about your least favorite concert.
*frowns* *thoughtful look* I haven't ever been really disappointed in a concert. The closest came when I saw Edie Brickell opening for Don Henley. I went more for her than for him, and she was NOT a good performer. She obviously wasn't comfortable with stage work, and when she didn't have a guitar in her hands she clung to the microphone. But with a guitar, she relaxed a lot and she was great. And Don Henley's part of the show really rocked, so it made up for everything anyway.

5. What kind of music do you love?
Um, yes? *laughs* I'm very open with music. I take it artist by artist, rather than style. It makes it very difficult for me to globally say I either love or hate an entire genre.

6. What kind of music do you hate?
*grins* See above.

7. How important is music in your life?
Totally. I sing in the car and around the house. Music quiets my son, and my daughter never stops singing it seems. I did musical theatre as a kid. I used to write music, but my lyrics aren't all that great. I like to have music going whenever I can. I create mixed tapes of all kinds, and currently I really miss being able to do more of those -- its tough to sit down and make a good mix when I've got the two kids and all the work. Music and songs show signposts of my life. Even the voices in my head have their own soundtracks, as do I. There are songs which will always be a part of me, and of my life... and not just songs I associate with my husband, either. There are songs for my best friends, for my kids, for my childhood, for the heartaches and the joys. Music is a part of me and always will be.

First, I've been finding myself linked into new places which is just SO cool. *grins* So hiya!! And hopefully there are more new faces out there and I'm not boring you all completely to tears. *laughs* The Voices may even update tonight with some more meta-gaming rambling, which would be cool. Although maybe not until tomorrow, since I also want to send out some PBEM moves (*fingers crossed* I don't fall asleep first).

And other than that... its amazing where one's blog goes. So Kim, at work, goes to visit Meta (not our company, but we partner with them for some stuff). And when she comes back she tells me that my friend Peter says hi. I think this is just way cool, because I had somehow not realized he was still at Meta, and I say so. And Kim's surprised, because she was sure I must've talked to him recently, because Peter knew about Ryan and everything.

So I think and think and think... and finally realize... Peter's found my blog.

I finally managed to email Peter, and he mentions my blog, and I'm like yeah, I was right. *grins*

So HI PETER!!! *big grins*

I think there are other people who find that scary... that completely random people that I know might be reading this. Y'know, I've already thought about that. A lot. And that's why I don't talk about certain things, like ranting about work and all. Because it