November 30, 2003

my mail has been bouncing due to an exceeded quota since sometime yesterday -- if you got a bounce from me, please resend

Posted by Deb Atwood at 09:50 AM
November 24, 2003
Good food

Last night I made fish for dinner. You have to understand, Kevin only started eating fish since we've been together, so I try to be creative with it.

One of our faves is grouper. It's a firm white fish, not overly flaky, so the texture is excellent, but it doesn't taste fishy. Lower in fat than salmon (which we both love). But it gets dull after a while, so I need to dress it up.

Last night I mixed a healthy tablespoon of rough grind dijon, about a tablespoon of raspberry honey, a splash of lemon juice, a splash of safflower oil, and a huge heaping tablespoon of garlic altogether, whisked it up, and spread it over two pieces of fish before baking.

OMG, it was so good. I've got to use the sauce on chicken, too. It was just amazing.

Posted by Deb Atwood at 08:15 AM
November 17, 2003
Aleve seems to be a good thing

Pain update. I started taking Aleve, which seems to be a HUGE help. I'm totally off the guaifenisen, so I am now basically taking nothing for the fibro, save exercise. Which I won't be doing tonight, since I'm basically unconscious at the moment.

The sleep issues are what's taking the most out of me. I thought I had found a way to push my body to sleep in 5-6 stints, but that failed last night. I'd been staying up till between midnight and 1am, which gave me a good crash and sleep until the alarm went off. Then last night I was up until 1 and then tossed and turned till about 4am... which means next to no sleep last night and I'm a zombie today. And the pain increases, of course, with the lack of sleep.

But I like Aleve. Easy on the tummy (much less indigestion in the last week) and it seems to take the burning edge off while I'm on it. So I'm taking a LOT less medication, which I like a lot. And surviving so far.

But then, yeah, that's still what I do. Survive.

Posted by Deb Atwood at 11:00 AM
November 15, 2003
Amazing stuff

Karin Lowachee continues to astound and amaze me. I am avidly devouring _Burndive_ and can't wait to finish it. I almost want to read it more than gaming, which is bloody impressive given how obsessive I've been on the gaming topic lately.

_Burndive_ focuses on Ryan, Captain Azarcon's son, and Jos just re-entered the picture now, about halfway through the book. I'm glad to see Jos back, and I'm hoping to see Jos and Ryan both grow through association with each other. Ryan's a sulky bastard with issues, and he's completely drawn me in. I just love this stuff.

I will continue to highly recommend Karin's work to anyone who asks. With any luck, I'll get a review done when I'm done reading.

Posted by Deb Atwood at 09:01 AM
November 11, 2003
According to the Black Hole

...average response time from Fantastic Stories is about 90 days. However, there's a longest time out of 517 days. Gods, that's well over a year! Mine's been out 104 days... so I am keeping my fingers crossed to hear soon, good or bad (and of course, praying for good).

[Listening to: Fallen Angel - Lore - The Madding Crowd (05:44)]

Posted by Deb Atwood at 11:34 PM
Writing and life

I am writing a novel in which children are kidnapped. One of my characters is a 35 year old mother of two... and while I am writing my son starts whimpering and I go to him and rub his back and snuggle him a little to settle him and give him his binky so that he falls back asleep, one arm clutched around Bear.

And I feel horribly guilty for what I am doing to my mother character. I cannot imagine how it must feel, how the fear must taste like scarlet in one's mouth. Watching my children gives me ease... I love these little pieces of myself. My darlings.

[Listening to: Ob La Di - Save Ferris - Affirmation (03:47)]

Posted by Deb Atwood at 09:31 PM
November 10, 2003
Spam comments?

Anyone out there familiar with MT who knows how to keep Spammish people from posting comments while still allowing the ones I want?

Posted by Deb Atwood at 09:47 AM
November 09, 2003
weekend in review

Last night I got to see the total eclipse, which was wonderful. The shadow swept slowly across the moon, bathing it in a greyish red glow. It was never actually fully dark, but always shadowed. We must have been just slightly off in angle, here, because the bottom was lighter than the top. And it was a full moon, which made it just all that much more spectacular. Dani loved it too. We ran outside every fifteen minutes to watch the progression.

I've been spending a lot of time this weekend writing. NaNo progresses well (and I've been babbling over on Insanity and put up a couple of small excerpts. I'm not entirely thrilled with my writing all the time, but I'm doing my best.

Bought sneakers. My old ones were shot, and I'm starting step class this week. Yes, back to exercising. Weights on Monday, step on Tuesday, Ryan's gymnastics class on Wednesday. Got to start walking at lunch, but that'll be in December, after NaNo's over and I don't need to squeeze in writing on my lunch 15 minutes.

Today I'm also trying desperately to crank through laundry. I want to write another 3k words, and do four loads of laundry, plus the stuff I brought home from work to do (because I didn't have time all week!). Add in cooking a good and healthy dinner (white rice for the kids, brown jasmine for us, stir fry...). It's going to be a busy day.

Posted by Deb Atwood at 12:23 PM
November 05, 2003
panic attacks

I can always tell when the fibro's getting worse, because the unreasonable panic attacks return.

Those are the attacks that keep me sitting up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep because the pain has me convinced that it is something far more serious than it is. Where I'm afraid that if I close my eyes I might never wake up.

I hate this stage. My only technique is to exhaust myself so much that I can't do anything BUT sleep. Problem is, less sleep means more pain, so its a downward spiral.

Bed soon, I suppose. With any luck, tonight I'll sleep through and wakeup refreshed in the morning. It'd be nice for a change.

[Listening to: One Dream - The October Project - Falling Farther In (04:29)]

Posted by Deb Atwood at 11:39 PM
November 04, 2003

I'm in pain today. Serious, horrid, pain. Not a bit of good pain -- all bad pain.


Well... as y'all know, I quite the ibuprofin. I just broke down and took 600mg for the first time in a week and a half or so. Because yesterday I worked out. For the first time in a year. My arms started to ache a little earlier. Then somewhere this evening, my shoulder must've started to swell up. Because suddenly my fingers on my left hand were tingling and going numb. Yeah, I know this feeling. All too familiar with it. Now, my shoulders are tight and rock hard. I'm miserable. I'm wondering if sleep's an option. Because I just hurt so damned much.

And Dani had to be picked up earlier because she wasn't feeling well (and the minor fever and crankiness all disappeared the moment I got her, of course). So I have to work tonight, and write for NaNo somehow, and gods... typing just really isn't the thing I wanna be doing right now.

I'd better quit procrastinating and start working. The sooner I start, the sooner it's overwith, and the sooner I can maybe get some feeling back in my hands that doesn't equate to tingle or knife pains.

Posted by Deb Atwood at 07:49 PM

Just found out that the microShocks anthology has been cancelled. Never heard either way... but the story has been released. So I guess that means I should turn it right around this evening and send it off to another market (handily, I've already got one in mind *fingers crossed*).

On the other hand, "Glimmer" is still out (104 days thus far) to Fantastic Stories of the Imagination. Not sure what their response time is, on average, but I'm sure I've still got a wait to go. I'll just keep being patient on that front.

I need to get some more stories revised and out the door!

Posted by Deb Atwood at 10:50 AM
November 02, 2003
Insanity is Contagious

The shared blog returns for another year of NaNoWriMo!

Insanity is Contagious

So far it is four of us, sharing our progress and a support group online as we make our way through the mire that will be our creativity during the month of November. Come by, wish us luck!

Posted by Deb Atwood at 12:45 PM
November 01, 2003
NaNo update

1701 for the first day!

And better yet, I finally finished chapter 4, which I've been struggling horribly with for months. I honestly thought I would finish it while in Toronto for worldcon, but I just couldn't get the time alone to write towards the end of the con. There is a relief in starting off by finishing something that has been dragging for so long.

Better yet, two of the three main characters have now met. I still have to trace the rest of the path going forward, but the work has begun again.

Yeah, this is the time for elation. Give me another week, and I'll be panicking over how I'll never finish. I remember this from last year! *chuckles*

Tonght, I work. So that tomorrow I can write again.

[As my husband has noted... it is November... he'll see me again sometime in December...]

My favorite description of the day... which ain't perfect, but I rather like the image it paints:

"I have Mrs. Olsen with me," he continued. A second set of footsteps came in behind him. Flat soled shoes, worn enough to slide along the floor instead of tapping with each step. Faint sound only, as if she knew how to walk silently and made this concession so that we knew she was there. No scent, no cologne. Her breath was light. I felt as if she could be invisible to me, unless she wished me to know she was there.

[Listening to: An Ode to Maybe - Third Eye Blind - Blue (02:36)]

Posted by Deb Atwood at 04:09 PM
the good thing about nano

Okay, the good thing about the breakneck pace of NaNo? I won't keep losing track of my characters!

I'm struggling to get started, in part, at least, because I don't remember my characters voices. I haven't written Jay properly in months, and I need to get that cold slightly oogie feeling he gives off, while being warm and caring and nurturing. That good ambivalence, making you wonder if you should like him or hate him. Right now, he feels like stale cardboard in my head.

The fact that I keep finding ways to stall, so that I've only done 330 words so far, too, isn't helping. *groans*

[Listening to: When You Believe - Prince of Egypt - The Madding Crowd (04:53)]

Posted by Deb Atwood at 03:22 PM
NaNo begins today

Okay, today begins NaNoWriMo. Instead of starting from the beginning this year (which I could, I suppose) I am going to use the month to jumpstart Dreamwalker and get that moving.

I just set up my tracking spreadsheet. I'm starting out with 19578 words already written for Dreamwalker. When I'm done, I should have almost 70k words. If I can write to goal of 2k words per day (instead of the requisite 1667) I will be at almost 80k. Since I'm thinking the novel is around 100k when done, that means I'll be close to the end, and maybe I can keep momentum going and finish it up. *fingers crossed*

Am I writing great literature? No. Definitely no. Dreamwalker is intended to be fun. It's the first novel in a world of strange religious mythology, mixing Christianity and Paganism. I've realized I've got two more, completely unassociated with Dreamwalker -- "Gospel of the Ghost" and "A Barren Place". I think they actually progress in some way, too... it was sort of a surprise to realize they were even associated in any way. But the mythology is coming together.

So anyway, today it begins (with me daydreaming about becoming the next Jack Chalker or Connie Willis or Lois McMaster Bujold, and then wanting to be able to get a Hugo so I can tell my stories while accepting and then realizing that I am just so full of shit and laughing at myself). But first, a trip out to the stores to get stuff and get pics done of Ryan and then later I've got work... and somewhere I'll squeeze in 2k words. Whee!

Posted by Deb Atwood at 08:59 AM