Phoebe -- A Description (public view)

PESTILENCE

There was a time when I rightfully thought that everything I touched died. When? Shortly after I had first arrived in Amber. Why? Well, there's a story behind that, as you might expect.

Gerard had abandoned me in Bachman, and in my attempt to return to Corwin's kingdom, I had instead found myself in a cave somewhere near Bachman. Once I had rested myself, it was time to try again.

My first idea was simple. Balder, or Bleys, if you prefer, had once given me a scroll, with a picture of the courtyard. Upon concentrating on this painting, it became solid and I was transported to that location. I have some skill in drawing, but was uncertain of creating exactly his form of magic. Instead, I used my own specialty, and created an illusion of the retaining room in Amber in which I had spent so much time. I molded the illusion carefully, taking my time, making it as solid as possible. Soon, the cave seemed to become the room. I considered it carefully, wondering if the transport could actually be that simple, walked to the door, and opened it. It instantly dissolved around me, and I was back in the cave again. I was right, it wasn't quite that simple.

I've always been rather stubborn, so the second time I tried to be even more careful, constructing the illusion meticulously. As I was working, just as the illusion began to solidify, I noticed that the moss on the walls turned brown. But then I was in Amber. I crossed over and opened the door, immediately realizing that I had forgotten the transport portion of the spell as the room dissolved back into the cave around me. And the moss in the corner was completely dead.

I moved out of the cave, into the grassy area just outside. Once again, I constructed the illusion, being extra careful not to forget the transport. Again, I saw living things around me, the grass in which I sat, turning brown, and then I appeared to be in Amber. The transport seemed to work, although nothing seemed to change around me. Still, once again, opening the door left me where I had begun. This time, all around me, in a circle spreading outwards from where I had sat, everything was dead. The grass was brown, the trees dead, no creatures stirred. The circle was slightly larger than the area I had covered with the illusion. It was disconcerting.

For so many years I had tried to give life, and help heal those in need, and now it appears that I may have taken life from the very land around me. I could understand that I might be taking magical energy from the earth, but I was surprised by the death I saw. I tried to reason, that my magic, based on the Tree, resulted in rebirth of the life I took, but I wasn't certain how that rebirth might work.

I sat, pondering on what to do next. Then I found another idea. I had been unable to contact Balder when I tried, so instead, this time I tried to contact Corwin. I began the spell, and soon had the sense that there was another presence nearby. I concentrated and tried to solidify the spell, while the area of dead grass around me began to expand. A faint murmur sprang up in my mind, as if I were almost able to speak with him, but not quite. Again, I pushed the spell.

I heard a voice urging me, "Concentrate harder."

Naturally I did, arguing back, "I am!"

A surprised answer shot back. "Wait, how did you get...? How did you get a Trump?"

"A what?" I did not understand his words.

There was a pause, and I was positive I was speaking with Corwin. Then he ordered, "Stop! Stop it now."

That did it. I was frustrated, tired, and all I wanted to do was help in finding Bleys. "Look, I've been stuck here in the outlands, and I'd prefer to get back to that outland. I remembered something that I forgot before." I had remembered while I slept that Bleys had been courting the Lady Leonora, and I thought that perhaps the hope of gaining information might make Corwin wish to return me to his castle. "Something about Bleys."

"What?" He sounded curious, and urgent.

"Bring me back there and I'll tell you," I bargained. "I don't have any of your magics for transport."

I imagined him shaking his head. "Just stop it, and I'll see what I can do."

"Do you swear?" After all, his own brother had left me here. Could I expect Corwin to simply come get me if I said I had news of another brother?

He laughed shortly. "I don't make any promises."

And I had to accept that. I cut my spell off, and took a look around. Everything around me was dead, blackened and twisted. Something twisted through my gut as I looked at the land, and I felt deeply guilty. As soon as I could, I knew I needed to return to Devane, and speak with the priests of the Tree in order to determine what had gone awry in my magic. Perhaps someone there would be able to help me. But in the meantime, I needed to wait for a response from Corwin.

After a short period of time, I felt a mental contact, much like the one I had forged, only stronger. I concentrated on it, solidifying it, and soon I could see an image of Corwin before me. He was holding out his hand. "Reach." I did, and grasped his hand, stepping forward until I was suddenly with him.

I looked around, realizing that this must be the same magic as Bleys had used to transport me to Amber the first time. "Well, that was interesting."

Corwin didn't seem impressed. "Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?"

I looked back at him, and again was struck by how much he reminded me of Jordan. But if it were Jordan, I'd merely need to smile, and suggest something, and he'd forgive me anything. Corwin looked annoyed. I sighed and began to explain, "I forgot that Bleys had been courting the Lady Leonora." I explained everything I could remember of her, while Corwin listened.

"That's very interesting," he mused, pacing away from me.

I followed, determined to say my piece. "I also didn't much appreciate being stuck in an outland where a war's been going on, in a castle your brother had recently decimated, when I've been trying to help! I'm still rather concerned about Bleys."

"Can you get back there?"

I had to laugh at his question. "Do you know how far away it is? I'm not certain if its a distance problem or what, but I've been having some difficulties in getting from place to place. And getting out of here seems to be near impossible."

"Hm." He was thinking, not looking at me at all. In truth, it was easier not to see his face, especially his eyes. It made it far easier to think of him as Corwin then.

"I also seem to have discovered a bit of a side-effect," I said hesitantly. "Don't put me near anything you don't want to be dead." He looked curious, so I added, "If you have a plant, I could test this. I'm wondering if it was due to location or something in my magic."

He was looking at me now, as if he thought I were mad. "We'll give you a plant, later..."

I could see what was coming. "Are you going to stick me somewhere again?"

"Yes." He thought I was mad. I could see it in his eyes. One too many mistakes, and now my curiosity about my magic and he thought I could not be trusted in any sane manner.

What did I have to lose? "Then could I just ask you one question. Where the hell am I?"

"In Amber."

"That's what this outland is called?" I asked calmly.

"Yes."

"I feel better now." And I did. If I had to be in an outland, at least it was comforting to know its name. I was led back to the room in which I had stayed the night before, and eventually later that evening I received a plant.

I believed that my magic was drawing life from living things around me, so I cast a small illusion of a dagger next to the plant, next to myself. I solidified it as best I could, noting that my dagger was far more solid than any other illusion I had seen thus far in Amber, and the plant remained quite healthy. Smiling, I placed the plant on my windowsill, and waited to see what happened next.

Several hours passed, during which I napped, but once I arose I was bored. My door was locked, so I magically tried to open it, to no avail. Annoyed, I waited.

A while later, there was a knock on the door, then it opened and my translator stood before me. It was the translator who had first taken me to an audience with Corwin, not the one with whom I had shared a cell so briefly. "We are going to be taking a trip."

I sighed. Another brother? "Are you related to him as well?"

"No." I was relieved at his answer. "You said he was after a girl? Where do you think she is now?"

The Lady had been visiting Balder's castle shortly before he left so recently, so I suggested we begin our search for her there. He did not admit to possessing any traveling magic, such as Gerard did, but he did have two horses waiting for us outside the castle. We rode through a forest, dark and heavy, and soon I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I looked more carefully, and saw something move by the bush. "Do you realize there are things around here?"

"Hold on a minute." My companion cast a spell quickly, and there was a bright flash of light, frightening a pair of wolves back into the shadows. He then kicked his horse into action, "Come on, let's go," and began to ride quickly away.

I caught up easily. "What's the hurry? They're just wolves." He didn't seem to be reassured, casting another bright light as we rode, keeping the wolves at bay. We rode hard until we reached the edge of the forest, then slowed and rode for quite a while longer. Eventually we reached a good place, and he began to make camp.

I dismounted to help, moving rocks out of the way to create a good place for a bedroll. As we worked, I watched my companion. "Do you have a name?"

He looked surprised. "Yes, Fenzir."

"I'm Phoebe," I offered. "I figured if we were to spend any time in each other's company, we should be properly introduced."

He encouraged me to rest, and since I wasn't tired, I merely made myself comfortable and relaxed somewhat. He finished making camp and rested himself until morning.

In the morning, Fenzir suggested that I tried to teleport ourselves and the horses to Bachman from our camp. I concentrated carefully on the spell, putting all my energy into it, working hard on the destination so that I didn't find myself back in Amber. When I looked around again, things weren't quite as I'd specified. The location was correct, but the horses were dead and Fenzir unconscious. "Oh dear," I muttered, hurrying over to Fenzir to inspect him.

He was unresponsive, deeply unconscious and failing quickly. His heartbeat was slow and erratic, weakening as I felt for his pulse. I had only one choice, and I quickly discarded it. The only thing I could think of was magic, trying to imbue him again with life. But it appeared that my magic had nearly caused Fenzir's death, could I use it again to make him live? It seemed there were no other options, and as bad an idea as it seemed, I had to try. It took some work, for I did not wish to draw energy from Fenzir even as I instilled it in him. Thankfully, I succeeded.

However, Fenzir was still unconscious, and all around me once again was death. A few villagers had approached while I was involved in the spell, and they lay there, quite departed from life. I backed away from them, my first kills for no good reason. Glancing at Fenzir, softly snoring, I was glad he wouldn't know of this detail. I had to leave the area, guilt flowing through me, realizing that right now I was no better than many men I had killed. I couldn't face those bodies, knowing what they meant. Again, I vowed to return to Devane once I could in order to find out what I could. I could not continue to take the lives around me for the sake of my magic. But now, I needed to care for Fenzir.

I carried him to the castle, through its broken walls into an area with a roof over our heads, and settled him comfortably until he awoke. Around us I placed wards in case of unwanted visitors and then I slept.

It was some time before Fenzir awoke. He looked around, confused, "What happened?"

I did not plan to tell him that I had inadvertently nearly taken his life. "I'm not entirely certain. But we are here. This is Bachman."

Fenzir was still curious, and I had to supply more detail, "I remember you saying that you were ready to go, then next thing I knew we were here."

"Exactly." He didn't seem to understand. "The horses are dead," I added. "It happened about the same time you passed out."

His eyes narrowed. "Apparently something happened in between when you said that and when we arrived."

"You nearly died," I admitted. "I fixed it. I believe the spell may have had some side effects. For that you have my sincerest apologies."

"I deserve more than that!" Fenzir wasn't angry, but he wasn't happy either. He spoke quickly, "Perhaps caution might be in order. The spell did this?" His voice rose in pitch and volume.

He finally accepted my explanation, as I went over what had happened. I carefully left out that part about the villagers, making a note to myself not to return with Fenzir to that location. However, he was still wary of my magic, and of my methods to find Leonora. "Can you do this without blowing me up?"

To be honest, I wasn't certain. "I think I might, but may I suggest sitting a fair distance from me."

He looked wary still. "What constitutes a fair distance?"

I glanced at one side of the room, far from the corner where I now leaned against the wall. "Far enough that you'll have warning when it starts to spread." I didn't explain what "it" referred to. I didn't think I needed to.

He moved, and I began to prepare the spell. I had barely begun when Fenzir disappeared from my view. I paused in my work long enough to call, "Are you still there?" but received no answer. Concerned that I had discovered another side effect, I backed out of the room, further from where he had sat, and continued my spell to contact Leonora.

Finally the spell was completed, but I had no sense of contact as I had with Corwin. It was much like when I had tried to contact Bleys and had failed at that. So I returned my attention to my missing companion. "Fenzir, are you about?" I walked back into the room and over to where he had sat, but the corner was well and truly empty. I began to grow angry at the thought that he had abandoned me here, for this made twice that someone from Amber had abandoned me in Bachman.

I stalked out of the room and deep down into the basement of the castle, surrounding myself with rock and no living creatures. I reasoned that if I were far from everything living, I could not kill anything in my path. For I wanted to try one more time to contact Bleys. I constructed the spell carefully, but once again, I felt no sense of presence when I was finished. It was as if he did not exist, nor Leonora either.

Having failed at both spells, I determined that my next course of action was to find Fenzir, assuming that he hadn't disappeared due to some side effect of my magic. I soon heard his voice, "Is this safe?"

"Where the hell are you?" I demanded angrily.

"I left!" He sounded indignant. "Your penchant for blowing me away wasn't comforting."

I tried to defend myself, but he didn't seem inclined to return and collect me from Bachman. No matter how I protested, he did not believe that I hadn't intended to render him unconscious, let alone try to kill him. Needless to say, we argued the point and did not come to any satisfactory conclusion. Finally it was decided that I should travel to Leonora's lands, while Fenzir returned to Amber. I was not pleased with the decision. "Perhaps you could say hello to your king for me when you return to Amber," I muttered, annoyed, "And if I learn anything of Bleys, perhaps I should take care of it myself, since you all seem to be so damned uncooperative."

And that was that. I was alone again in Bachman, but at least this time there was no civil war raging about me. However, nor were there any mounts for me to ride to find Leonora. I had never been to her lands, so I could not merely teleport myself there. I did need to take the proper route, along the roads.

I had no coin to trade for a mount, and no matter how I tried, I could not persuade any villager to part with his own horse for my purpose. I could not simply steal a horse, for that went against my own values. So I finally set out on foot for Leonora's.

I walked for a short period of time when the earth began to shake under my foot. Thankfully I was on a road through a field, so no falling branches threatened my well-being. It passed quickly, and did not seem to effect much around me. So I continued on, trying to find a wild horse to tame possibly, and moving towards my destination. I found nothing, and began to grow tired of traveling on foot. I moved off the path, carefully away from living creatures, and set about conjuring myself a horse.

When I was through, myself and a horse stood amidst a ruined plain perhaps fifty or so feet diameter. But the horse was real enough, and healthy, and I quickly mounted and began to ride.

When I arrived, I discovered that Leonora had not been seen since she had traveled to visit Balder. From her retainers in the manor house I learned that she had been assumed dead in the civil war, something which I could not be certain of, not having seen her body at the time. I did know recall whether she was still at the castle after Balder left. She had not traveled with him, and I assumed that she had remained at the castle and was likely still there when I left for Amber the first time. Since then, I did not know.

Later that evening, still curious, I turned myself invisible with little damage to my surroundings, and returned to the manor house. I also added a spell for silence, so that I might move through the house undetected. In the house I moved towards the better wings, finally finding a room which I guessed belonged to Leonora. I found nothing personal, however, which might tell me for certain that it belonged to her. Nothing that could help in my search.

It appeared that I had once again left Amber, and left all possible help I might have in finding Bleys, only to be abandoned in Bachman. I had exhausted all my clues, and felt as if I were against a stonewall in my search.

I had no further ideas where Bleys was concerned. However, my sudden magical problems concerned me greatly. And there was only one place in which I might find my answers. I moved to a place near Leonora's home where I would damage little as I cast. I concentrated carefully, envisioning my room in Devane where I had been an initiate for so many years. Working carefully I cast my spell.

My search for the answer to the spread of pestilence was over for a time. For when my spell was complete and I looked around, the world was still full of color, not the familiar black and white of Crystal Tears. I had failed to return to Devane.

Chapter Seven, Trystan

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