A Place to Belong

© 1999 Deb Atwood

The wedding ceremony seemed interminable. My head hurt from the pins and clips and jewels in my hair. And none of it mine – all expected to return to House Avril before the night was over. I was surprised they even let me use it. Yet I suppose it was for their own sake, not mine.

As my mind wandered, I felt Marek’s hand squeeze mine, and I looked over at him and smiled. He smiled in return, blue eyes twinkling at me, and my heart tumbled in my chest. I’d had that feeling ever since the first day I saw him. I was covered, head to toe, in dust, from cleaning up after an accident I’d had earlier that day. I heard his voice before I saw anyone.

"Ghil!" He had a deep voice, and it echoed in the small waiting chamber of my instructors Ways. I quickly ducked out from behind the table, where I had been on my hands and knees, and struggled to wipe the dust from my palms. I’d managed to be destructive enough that Ghil couldn’t continue the day’s lessons without going to replace what I’d ruined. So while I cleaned, I also watched his shop. I smiled hesitantly, blushing furiously as he regarded me.

I was already tall, even at fifteen, but he was taller. Broad of shoulder, and with a voice that matched, he made me feel small and slight. "Who are you?" he asked curiously. "And is Ghil about?" He glanced around, noting the dust everywhere, and the faint smell of sulphur. "Or is he among the dust?" Tiny lines crinkled around his eyes as he laughed.

"Talis, sir." I didn’t name my house, even as I finished wiping my hands on my slacks, and had a clean one to offer him. "Master Ghil has stepped out to retrieve certain items he needs for my lessons. If you would like, you could wait in the back room, where it’s a bit cleaner. I didn’t have the door to this room shut all the way, or it wouldn’t be like this."

"Marek Helgram." He took my hand and shook it solemnly, and then followed as I led him to the back room. This was Master Ghil’s private workroom, and at the moment, the only clean room anywhere nearby, since he always kept it locked. I left him with a polite nod, and a bit of a curtsey, and went back to my cleaning.

Master Ghil arrived soon after that, and when I told him that there was a Marek waiting for him in his back room, he hurried back, and closed the door so that I could not hear them. I cleaned for more than an hour, and once that was done, I returned to the main workroom to prepare for my test once again. I was determined to pass this turning. But still, once I had everything ready, and could feel the power brimming within me, I was forced to wait, while Ghil and Marek remained behind closed doors. I sat down in the waiting room and waited, staring at the door until I began to doze, floating on the rise of power I held.

"Good luck."

The deep voice, and the large hand ruffling my bland brown hair woke me, and I turned to smile and nod wordlessly as Marek left. Master Ghil didn’t give me time for questions, bustling me into the workroom, and having me perform the test. And this time I did so flawlessly.

Another gentle squeeze on my hand brought my mind back to the ceremony. The Priest of the Serpent was speaking to me, asking if I came willingly to this marriage, if I would obey Marek in all that he chose. Marek’s encouraging smile made it so easy to say, and I tightened my grip upon his hands as he vowed to keep me safe, and to keep me well and whole.

It was easy to give myself to him. As we moved through the crowd, his hand possessively at the small of my back, I knew that none of them could believe it was I who had asked him to wed. My house thought he was mad to want me. And his house… I had yet to know what his house thought, but so far everyone in Helgram had been good to me. It was a strange change for me, and difficult to get used to. And it hadn’t been terribly long yet.

I had waited for nearly two years, watching as Marek visited Ghil on occasion, coming more and more often, until he was there at least two or three times each week. I didn’t think he ever noticed me, the overly tall girl, strong features, bland hair. I was merely Ghil’s latest student, and he never saw me watching him.

But oh, I watched him. There was something about him. About his kindness, when he said hello. About his smile that made my stomach flip right up into my throat. About him… and I conceived of a plan. I would ask him to marry me. He was not wed – I could see that. All he could do was refuse. But he seemed so kind, and if I explained, perhaps he would take pity upon me. I needed to escape House Avril. And I prayed to the Serpent that Marek would be my escape.

I looked up when he came out of Ghil’s private room, and he did smile and say hello. But instead of staying where I was, studying, I set the book down and unfolded my too-tall body and followed him outside. He seemed surprised to see me. "Can I help you…?" his voice trailed off as he stared at me.

"I’d very much appreciate it if I could speak to you for a moment," I said in a rush. "Privately." I waited a moment, then added, "Please?"

Blue eyes sparkled at me. "Of course." He motioned for me to walk ahead of him, and together we went down the street. As we turned the corner, the sky overhead brightened from dusky purple to a bright rose, and a beach spread out ahead of us. He walked over to a bench that sat on the beach, just right there in the middle of nothing. And then he waited.

I was so nervous I could feel my palms sweat. And then the sudden sharpness of my skin as I started to shift. I forced myself back into my natural form, swallowing hard as I tried to get up the nerve to do what I had planned.

"I’m Talis, of House Avril," I finally introduced myself completely. I don’t like my house, and don’t like to acknowledge them if I don’t have to. But this time I had to. "My House and I… we don’t exactly get along. As you know, I’m Master Ghil’s student. I was hoping that maybe I could find a way out of my House." I forced myself to look directly into his eyes as I said, "I would like to ask you a favor."

He smiled at me. "I can’t guarantee I’ll do it, but go ahead and ask."

His eyes were kind, and his expression patient as I inwardly gasped for breath. I knew I was calm, but I could feel the roughness of my palms. A part of me wanted to run and hide… and was trying desperately to shift into my favorite form. I couldn’t let it. Not now.

"I was thinking of a way out of the House. And the only real way is to get married. But they aren’t going to contract me to anyone, so I need to find a husband on my own. And you’re the only man I know other than Ghil, and my tutor. And I hate Dorman, and Ghil’s old." The words all tumbled out all over themselves, and when I was done, Marek was chuckling.

"Ghil’s old? Do you have any idea how old I am?" he asked, still smiling. He was amused, at least. I started to relax. I shook my head. "Are you as young as you look?" he then asked, and I had to nod.

He was silent then, for a long while, and I began to shift from foot to foot, waiting while he regarded me. I could feel his gaze sweeping over me, feel it tangibly as it touched me from head to toe. Then finally he decided, "I need to think about it."

It wasn’t a negative. My heart leapt. It wasn’t a negative!

And he made me wait for three more weeks before he came back to Master Ghil’s again. But when he arrived, he walked directly over to where I sat at the desk, my head bent over the books. And he set a ring down on the pages, almost under my nose. When I looked up, startled, he patted me on the shoulder. "Now someone will take care of the arrangements. Is a month too long?"

"Its perfect." I couldn’t stop myself from grinning like an idiot. And a month later, at the ceremony, I kept doing the same thing, every time I looked at my new husband.

"You seem miles way, Ladywife," he whispered in my ear, drawing me close. Ladywife… I shivered pleasurably at the sound.

"Lost in thought." I smiled at him, and when I turned, my lips were close to his and he claimed them in a kiss. It was only the third or fourth time he had kissed me, and I felt it all the way down to my toes. "Are you happy?" I asked curiously, because he was still smiling.

"Quite." He looked pleased with himself. Or with me. I wasn’t entirely certain which it was. "Are you happy?" he turned the question back to me.

"If my House were not here, I would be happier," I admitted softly. He only laughed, and admitted he felt much the same way. He kissed me again, and then we began to make the rounds, doing the polite thing and talking to each relative.

It was, perhaps, the most difficult day of my life. Marek’s family… my new family… was wonderful. They were unfailingly polite, despite how my own House tried to denigrate me in their eyes. But those who were supposed to be my family… they only proved why I needed to escape. And by the end of it, I vowed never to be a part of Avril again.

Ayltha caught me alone. She fingered the jewels dripping from my hair. "You do realize that we will be leaving soon. And I am not going to leave without my jewels."

"Take them." I reached up and pulled them out, not caring that my thick, straight hair tumbled around my face. "Just take them, and go. I don’t want them."

Somehow, then, we were both pulling the jewels off of me, her nails leaving faint scrapes behind as she tugged rough stones over my skin. I just wanted to get rid of them. She wanted to be cruel as she took them away. And then suddenly it was over, and she was stalking off, her arms full of jewels, and I felt naked somehow, my hair a shambles, and every accessory I had been wearing was gone.

I felt arms go around me from behind, and I knew instinctively that it was Marek. I leaned back against him, reveling in the heat of his body. "What happened?" he murmured against my tangled hair.

"Ayltha," I said simply.

"Let’s go."

"I need to go back to the…" I began the protest, but he didn’t let me finish, silencing me with a kiss.

"You are mine, now, Ladywife," he smiled at me, his gaze glittering with something I didn’t yet recognize. "I mean to show you what that means."

The thrill that went through me was both pleasurable and terrifying at his words. And I went with him silently. He led me through the halls, my hand caught tight in his. And just as we reached the entry to the proper hallway, he scooped me into his arms, making me feel suddenly small and light. I laughed as he cradled me close, carrying me to his room. He kicked open the door and carried me inside, settling me gently upon the bed, amid a flurry of fabric.

Then he shut the door, and sat beside me on the bed. His hand covered mine, his thumb caressing my fingers. "Are you afraid?" he asked gently.

I started to shake my head automatically, but I realized then that I trusted him, and I slowly nodded.

He laid down next to me, his hand still covering mind, settling atop my stomach. Then he leaned over and kissed me. Warmly, gently, he teased my lips apart and caressed me with his mouth. I’d never imagined what kisses would feel like. So gentle. So breathtaking.

"You are beautiful." He tucked a tangled strand of hair behind my ear, brushing it away from my cheek before leaning in to kiss me again.

"No, I’m not," I tried to protest. I knew what the mirror said… the plain features that stared back at me every morning. He silenced my words with a kiss, and proceeded to prove to me what he thought, touching and kissing me on the face, the neck… my bare shoulders as he teased the dress slowly to reveal more skin. His hands picked at the lacings, and soon the bodice lay open to his gaze. A flush stained my skin as I watched him explore my breasts for the first time. And then I was lost in sensation as he caught one nipple between his teeth, nipping gently before teasing it with his tongue.

"Relax," he whispered to me as he slowly eased the dress from my body. I was so torn… so confused. Seeing him there, about to cover me, terrified me in a way I’d never been scared before. Chills raced over my body until I felt his warmth against me. "Relax," he urged me again. I sighed deeply as his hands slid over my body, caressing me everywhere until I wanted to scream from the pleasure.

He took me then, at the height of my pleasure, teasing me as he entered me and felt me stretch to take him. He moved slowly, until he was certain that I could control myself no longer, and then I felt him lose control and take me completely.

He held me then, cradling me as if I were some delicate doll he had found and treasured. And I realized then that at last I had found a place where I belonged.