I was exhausted. I crawled into bed, and don't even remember my head touching the pillow.

But then suddenly I was on the peak of Kolvir. A white nightgown billowed around me in the wind, and my feet and hands were dirty and scratched, as if I'd somehow scaled Kolvir to get there. But the moon was full, and it was obvious to me why I was there.

Tir-na Nog'th beckoned to me.

Yet despite the full moon, I saw nothing in front of me. No steps, no ghostly castle in the sky. But I could still feel its call, still feel it pulling on me. Uncertain and bemused by this strangeness, I pulled the nightgown up slightly, bunching it up in my hands so that I could not trip over it. And then I scaled those three stone steps.

As I reached the top, I stepped out onto where the next step should be. The staircase flickered briefly to visibility before me, but no city still, and then it was gone, and I could see the mountain and see beneath my feet.

And something new as well. Someone else on the unseen stairs ahead of me. Climbing quickly towards where Tir should be. I wanted to follow them, find out who else scaled the steps to an invisible city in the sky. And why.

A moment's caution caught me, and I concentrated to shift my shape into the familiar wyvern, wanting the security of its wings in case I fell through those steps I could not see.

Nothing happened.

I looked up again, and the figure was nearly out of sight. And I threw that caution to the winds, gathered my gown up carefully in my hands, and then hurried up the stairs after it.

I had not felt fear in Tir-na Nog'th since my first time... perhaps not even then. I had been secure in my safety. Yet this time I scaled the steps with no net. No one watched me over trump, and my body refused to obey my will and change its shape. That fear coiled in the pit of my stomach and I did my best to ignore it as I hurried up the stairs.

Yet when I arrived at the top, all that faded. Tir was there, more substantial than ever. Still ghostly, in part, still silent. Yet the figures noticed me standing there in my nightgown, and while some looked askance, others paused to wink at my lack of dress. I felt a moment's elation, that I had somehow taken another step towards learning my way with Tir, and then I caught sight of the figure disappearing through the gates of the castle.

I nearly ran, taking care only not to bump into these ghostly figures who moved out of my way. But I didn't want to lose sight of him. Didn't want to miss my chance.

I slipped through the gates of the castle, just barely keeping him in sight. I caught a motion out of the corner of my eye, and glanced back towards the city to apologize, in case I had bumped someone in my final haste. And nothing was there. Empty air stretched between the castle and Kolvir, hovering over the open sea.

I shivered, and once again wished for a new form, a new shape, just in case. But it was too late to let the fear take hold. I was here... only myself and Tir-na Nog'th, and whoever it was I had been following.

I looked back into the castle to find it empty. I turned in place slowly, looking at everything I could see from where I stood. And then slowly I began to tread the familiar path from the gates to the throne room... my traditional first stop upon entering Tir.

It was different this time. Less grey and ghostly. The colors weren't bright and vivid, but neither were they shades of grey either. Tapestries upon the walls held hints of what their colors should be.

And as I entered the throne room, I was struck by a sudden familiarity. My family was suddenly around me, and a crown upon my own head. I saw Alexander enter the room, with ghostly figures beside him, and I moved forward to greet him. My steps took me to the center of the room, and I was alone again, in the still silent room, left with vivid memories of my first trip to Tir-na Nog'th.

So young then... only sixteen and my first time in Amber. Still uncertain of everything around me, I had wanted to see this castle in the sky. Several of us had gone together, and we had seen an image of myself crowned Queen of Amber. And now it seemed I'd stepped into it from the other side. As if I were the Adrienne of Tir-na Nog'th.

Another movement at the corner of my vision, and I turned slowly to see something in black crouched low behind the throne. It was still, and I believed it hadn't spotted me yet. I moved slowly, continuing to act as if I hadn't seen the figure, my movements taking me around the room to gaze at it, surreptitiously trying to gain a better look at whatever was there.

But he must have known I was there, sense my study of him somehow, as he stood up behind the throne. Clad all in black, he looked at me, "So, the Queen of Tir has finally come," he spoke sarcastically. "Tell me why I shouldn't just kill you now." A crossbow he had hidden behind him came up to rest, not pointing exactly in my direction, yet able to be moved into position quickly. A wicked looking barbed bolt was notched and ready.

His voice was unfamiliar, but something about him tugged at my memory. I fought for that memory, trying to drag it from the depths of my subconscious.

And then something in his words struck me as amusing, and I felt a faint smile touch my lips. "Because I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about," I said simply, "Or who you are. But I'll admit I'm curious."

It was almost there, the hint of a memory. I pulled at it, tugging it, worrying it in my mind.

"Curiosity, it was always your downfall," he sighed. "I supposed I can wait. I am in no hurry today."

He removed the bolt and unstrung the crossbow with expert movements, not a wasted motion. My gaze followed him, caught by the crossbow as he stashed it behind the throne, and he lounged against the arm of the throne. The crossbow. I remembered it then, a figure masked and clad in black, appearing at the Pattern when we all did, when it was healed. Firing a single shot, at either Bleys or Brennan, but striking Galen instead, and then disappearing when the Pattern sent us all away.

I don't let the memory faze me, and concentrate instead on him, and what he is saying. What this vision in Tir might be telling me... now that I can hear it.

"You're amusing today. It's been a long time since you've smiled. But then again, there's not been much to smile about, has there? So tell me the visions you've seen. Must have been something good, to have caused the vaguest hint of a smile to cross those beautiful lips."

I felt a faint warmth rise to my cheeks, a the smile flickered again uncertainly at the compliment. But despite the uncertainty, I was embarassed, and pleased, by what he said.

His voice went deeper as he finished, with more than a touch of familiarity. And I felt the pull again... not to Tir-na Nog'th, but to the man who stood before me. A feeling of recognition somehow.

That still low voice rolled over me, "Come now love, tell Stephan what you have seen." And the sense of familiarity grew, fitting and right... but not quite... yet.

I cocked my head, watching him, not bothering to hide the curiosity. Nor the increasing warmth to my cheeks. "You," I said softly. "Tir... things are different here than usual. And you..." I hesitated, for some reason not wanting to explain why he unnerves me. "Why do you want to kill me?"

As I stood there, staring at him, the blush intensified, and my hands moved to smooth the nightgown over my body, hoping it was of a heavier fabric than I thought.

"A blush! I'd not thought I'd see that again, save in your terrible anger."

He was next to me then, a finger reaching out to touch, to stroke my heated cheek.

I froze then, startled by the touch. My eyes were wide, staring at him, caught like a deer, lips slightly parted as I tried to find words and lost them before they made it to my lips. Confused, I could do nothing but stare.

"Am I the one dreaming then? Your behavior suggests this must be true, but if it were... ah, to be deluding myself once again." Stephan was whispering now, his face close to mine. His eyes seemed to drink in the sight of me, a naked hunger upon his face, a raw open wound.

I felt a trembling, his fingertips against my face. A glance down and I saw that his other hand was clenched tightly by his side.

He whispered still, "I'd risk it all, every single bit of it, if you would but..."

His arm, so tightly held against his side, slowly, inexorably, began to move. The hand opened, and he wrapped it gently, reverently, about my waist.

"...let me touch you even this once..."

I could see unshed tears in his blue eyes, but he didn't blink the moisture away. He was tense, as if waiting for an axe to fall at any moment, and even as I stood paralyzed by confusion, I wondered what I will do to him to make him this way. What I will become.

And then his lips lowered towards mine.

I swayed slightly in his grasp, confused, my gaze fixed on his trying to understand. My hands slid up between us, settling against his chest, flattened and fingers splayed slightly. I meant to push him away, but the look in his eyes, the longing and pain, stopped me, and I hesitated again, caught by the confusion.

And as I realized that his lips were about to brush against mine, I closed my eyes tightly, wondering what I was doing, and why I did not stop it.

It was the merest whisper of touches, and then all sense of him was gone. My eyes snapped open, and I was alone again in Tir.

I squelched the scream of fury that rose in my throat, and heard the short, sharp sound the escaped instead. My hands dropped to my sides, clenching tightly, and I could feel the blood as I bit my lip against allowing any more to escape. "Damn you, whoever you are," I muttered, a sharp movement of my hand dismissing everything as I stalked from the room, determined to leave it behind.

I heard my voice echo, the frustration swirling around me, perhaps longer than I would have expected, and then suddenly silence again.

I paused in the hallways, seeking some idea, some hint of where to go next. And then momentum of more usual trips propelled me through the halls towards my rooms. The walk seemed over too quickly, time passing as it always does so strangely in Tir-na Nog'th.

And when I arrived the door was already open.

And it was different. No longer a small set of rooms, but instead a huge suite, something I knew instinctively was to be expected of a monarch. Perhaps expanded tenfold from where I now lived, with the meeting rooms, antechambers and wardrobes. Rooms for my attendants and bodyguards.

Again that future memory, of something that fit, but not quite yet. I turned momentarily towards a door, moving for my room, before seeming to remember that that was no longer it. My bedchambers had been moved. I turned again, moving towards the third door on the right, and stopped in surprise when Stephan appeared at the door.

He bounced over to me, picked me up where I stood frozen, and swung me around, laughing.

Laughing? I stared at him... so different from the Stephan I had just met downstairs.

"It's not good for the queen to be walking the halls in her nightclothes," he chastised me with a bright, cheery grin. "What will the servants think? Hells, what will the nobles think?"

A tentative smile rose to meet his cheerful grin.

He stopped swirling me about, and slid me very purposefully down his front. My breath caught in my throat again, trapped by confusion.

"...who gives a fuck what the neighbors think..." he whispered throatily into my ear, his lips nipping at my earlobe.

I pushed at him, trying to fight the confusion. "Who are you?" I demanded. "If I can speak to you here then tell me who you are." I could feel the frustrated anguish in my voice. A part of me hated what I was saying, wanted me to remain quiet and not ruin this dreamlike trip. But I needed to know who he was... and why I remembered him. If this is something right... or wrong.

His expression was confused for a moment, and I could see that I had hurt him. He stepped back from me, taking a more formal stance. Not threatening, but not familiar either. I stifled the flicker of hurt that brought me, still not understanding the conflicting emotions he brought out in me.

"Another vision, my Queen? Very well, I am Stephen, you... 'unofficial' consort. I will answer any of your questions. You've had these... blackouts before, and you've told me what you would like me to do during them. Might I suggest, perhaps, a more... private location?"

He gestured towards the door to which I had already been heading. Perhaps more curious than anything else, I nodded, and as calmly as possible, walked into my bedchambers. They were more luxurious than I expected, and all of a sudden, distinctly real. Deep pile carpets, that I somehow knew were heated magically, and my toes could feel the heat. Colorful tapestries from the shadow where I grew up decorated the walls, all peaceful images. The whole place felt comfortable, from the pillows gathered in various places to the low table I knew was a gift from a far off ruler seeking to please the Queen. Even that, had somehow been my choice.

"Another vision?" I asked softly. "This has happened to me before? With you? I..." I stopped, and tried to gather my thoughts. I reached out to touch the table, smooth and glossy under my fingertips. I could almost see my reflection in its surface. And there.... my fingers skated over a stain against the wood, and I was rocked by the vivid memory of my tea sloshing over the rim of my cup when Stephan caught me by surprise with that first kiss... I hadn't wanted to remove the stain, no matter how much the servants groused.

I pulled myself back to here, and now, whenever that truly was, and away from those unsettling future memories. "You are Stephan," I repeated slowly. "I don't... know you. Not yet. This all seems so familiar, but not familiar," I groaned softly as I failed to explain in any coherent fashion. And I wondered if I were breaking some rule of Tir-na Nog'th. I could remember trips with Alex, how he always tried to fit into the time we were in. And could see how easily I was not.

"How did this happen?" I finally whispered, failing at finding the right words. My hand moved, indicating the rooms, the larger suite, and Stephan himself, making it difficult to tell just which part of it I meant.

Stephan had pulled back the heavy drapes, tied against the four posts of the bed, and sat just back from the edge, waiting for me to stop asking questions before he tried to answer. "I don't know. How this happened, whatever it is you are referring to. I do know that you are often taken by visions, of other places, other times, of... other people. You mentioned that... once you said... I mean, you told me that this might happen. That it had happened, so therefore it would. You wouldn't explain any more save to say that I should answer your questions."

He patted the silk coverlet next to him, and I moved to sit on the edge of the bed, a little away from him. My body was stiff, hands clasped in my lap. Hurt flickered across his expression as I was so wary... he tried to hide it, and failed.

"If you perhaps are more specific, I can try to answer a bit better." Stephan smiled then, a hopeful grin that made him boyishly cute, and hard to resist. I felt an answering smile flicker across my features, and then fade away as I sighed.

I was about to answer, but stopped, and reached up, suddenly curious whether my hair were still short, or grown out. I felt it, an intricate braid so carefully done that I couldn't follow the ins and outs with my fingers. It was long, midway down my back, but caught back now and out of the way. Stephan loved to play with it...

My hand dropped back to my lap, and I tried again to gather my thoughts.

"Everything," I said softly. "I must be a terrible queen... there's so much else going on. What happened to Oberon? Why me?" I slowly raised my gaze to meet his. "Where did I meet you?"

"Who is Oberon?" he asked first, but raised a hand before I could say anything. "You are Queen here by right and by blood. No one has challenged your right, not in this century anyway. Oberon is someone from Before...?" He looked questioningly, then smacked his forehead with his hand.

"That's it! You're from your own past! And you knew I'd be here to answer your questions, so you told me to tell you..." He looked pleased with himself.

I just stared at him. It sounded plausible. But not right... not normal at all. Not for a Tir vision, unless I had somehow become like Alex. Someone who belonged in Tir. A feeling of right settled over me. But not in Tir. I belonged to Tir.

By right and by blood... I didn't have time for the thought just then.

"I don't know if I should tell you how we met. That might spoil everything. No, that you must wait for until it happens." He grew quiet, suddenly pensive, as if perhaps he were remembering that first meeting. A smile grew on his face, becoming secretive and seductive.

"Ah yes... I remember it well..." his voice was a sing-song, and he hopped off the bed and moved to stand in front of me. "I prefer to maintain the innocence of time, my love."

There was a shiver in my stomach at the sound of his voice, of those words. I was caught, staring at him. Caught somewhere between believing what he said and wondering why he was saying it to me.

He moved in close, his hands on either side of me. I pulled my feet up, as he forced me to either retreat or let him get too close to me. I realized as I did so that the bed was high... higher than I had first thought. My feet dangled at least a couple feet off the ground before I pulled them up, and I saw that he had pushed the wooden steps aside.

"You will forget this conversation..." he began, again in that sing-song voice, but there was a small element of compulsion. I could feel it beginning, a heavy feeling between my eyes as he stared deeply into my eyes with his own.

I couldn't resist watching him. "Forget?" I forced the word out. "What is the point of a vision if I forget what happened? And I need to tell you it will happen." I tried hard not to think about how I was acting as if this all made sense. As if it were true, and logical. "Tell me what you meant by 'Before', Stephan." I made my voice as emphatic as I could, trying to push past the heavy feeling. Trying to ignore the strange feeling in my stomach as he was so close to me. And it was surprisingly easy to break the compulsion...

"Tell me..." I whispered again.

He sighed at my questions and shook his head. "I had to try," he smiled ruefully, then turned away from me, walking a few paces away. I moved back to the edge of the bed then, my feet dangling over it as I watched him.

He was silent a long time, his back to me, and after long minutes, when I was beginning to think he would never speak, he spun to face me. There were tears upon his cheeks.

"I can't tell you, no matter what you said. I dare not change this future, not when it is as I want it to be. To be at your side... it's everything to me," he said simply, his shoulders moving in a half-shrug. His words sent a shiver through me, reacting to what he said. To how he said it.

He laughed harshly, bitterly. "For all I know, this is one of your visions, and I'm not even real. Then again, if you command it... I don't know that I could stop myself."

And it was on the tip of my tongue then, to tell him to say whatever that other me had told him to tell me. To order him to do so, so that I could make my own decisions. But I never got the chance.

"You won't have to," a new voice entered the conversation from the doorway. I looked over, and Alexander stood there, as translucent as the people of Tir's city, yet I could hear him speak.

"Begone," Alex commanded, waving his hand at Stephan.

An eerie wailing began, the sound of heartbreak, of suffering, of a soul in pain. It took a moment to realize it came from Stephan, as his form began to dissolve, skin swirling into mist. He reached out towards me, something in his cries touching something inside of me.

"Alex!" I shouted at my cousin, jumping off the bed and reaching without thinking for Stephan. I felt the touch of his hand briefly, then the mist passed through my hand and he was gone. Barely a touch, barely time to react. His cry ceased as he finally disappeared, but it had wound itself higher and higher as he was fading, piercing to my ears.

I winced at the sound, still confused by the maelstrom of emotions. I whirled on Alex then, angry and stomping my foot as I glared at him. "What are you doing? Trying to keep me from breaking some rules?" I asked sharply. "What good is a vision if it tells me nothing except hints?" My voice sounded raw to my ears, full of anguish that I couldn't disguise.

Alex didn't even seem to notice, looking me over, frowning. "You're not supposed to be here." He cocked his head, as if listening to something I could not hear. "Ah, of course," he nodded.

I raised one eyebrow, asking curiously, "Who're you with?" I didn't really expect an answer. I was still angry, but I wanted the answer, and knew yelling at Alex never worked.

And it didn't matter anyway. He just smiled at me, that sort of smile that said there was a joke, but I wasn't aware of it. I felt I was probably the punchline, and I didn't like the feeling.

"Visions aren't supposed to show you everything, Adrienne. Recall, you're in Tir. It shows you what may come to pass, what you want to come to pass. You can interpret it as you would. Now, I must be honest, Adri, you're dreaming. You'd asleep, in your bed in Amber, and this is all some projection of your mind. The servants, I'm told, tried to rouse you, but you," he chuckled, "snored on. Perhaps it's time to wake up."

"Dreaming?" I asked sharply, not quite believing it. But at his final words, something changed. And I remembered crawling under the covers, so exhausted after all the healing of the day before. I was warm and comfortable beneath the covers. Yet I remembered everything vividly.

I pulled the covers up over my head, biting my lip, forcing away the tears of confusion that sprang to my eyes. And tears of pain. As the blanket pulled over my feet, and as I clenched my hand, I felt the scrapes and dirt that I had seen when the dream began.

As if I had scaled the mountain of Kolvir on my hands and knees.

Wincing, I rolled over, holding on tightly to the blanket and curling around it. I could see the dirt and bloodstains upon my sheets, and felt again the confusion of the dream. Of dreaming of the city of dreams. Of everything I had seen.

But what caught my attention the most was the silvery ring on the ring finger of my left hand. A simple band of shiny metal until I looked more closely at it.

The silver swirled as I watched it, like the mists of Tir.

And I remembered the mists slipping through my fingers, of that same hand... as I had reached to touch Stephan as he had vanished. And I just lay there, curled around my blankets, staring at the ring upon my finger.